Freedom or No Freedom: Reconciling Past Hurt

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Are you walking in the freedom of Christ? What are we refusing to let go of as a result of someone else’s unhealed brokenness? What did someone say or do to us to make us want to keep hustling for self-worth? Why do we continue to void out the cause of the cross? What are some coping mechanisms/survival strategies/weird behaviors have you found yourself in because you are still trying to prove to your offender/person who hurt you, that you are enough? Would love to hear your comments!

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Recovery

Background on Recovery: When you are recovering from PTSD/trauma, it requires a lot of in-depth work. This poem depicts just that. You have to regain your sense of self, learn to listen to your body for its story, and be still with patience as God does his work.

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Recovery

It’s recovery. It’s recovery.

It requires lots of discovery.

What I think.

What I feel.

What my body tells me is real.

I’ll be still.

Know he’s God.

Do the work.

Though it’s hard.

It’s recovery. It’s recovery.

God is there.

In this discovery.

Episode 43: The Big “D”

Episode 43: The Big “D”
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Have you ever been divorced? Do you know of someone who has been divorced? When you found out that this person was divorced, did you treat them differently? Today’s podcast is entitled, “The Big “D”, and that “D” stands for divorce. Click above to listen to the latest podcast episode.

It has been said that divorce is worse than death.  There was a time when the word divorce was taboo.  Older television shows reflect these ideas.  When children mentioned that their friends’ parents were getting divorced, they were shushed by their parents, and/or the parents came up with an excuse as to why Johnny or Susan couldn’t play at the neighbors’ house anymore.  They were outcasts.

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Prior to getting divorced, I heard someone use the phrases “It’s no big deal.  People get divorced every day.”  This is true.  However, what is also true is that you don’t have people lined up to tell you the real impact from divorce.  Divorce leaves lifelong effects in every area:  financially, emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, etc.  Basically, there is no table left unturned.    

Grief experienced from divorce can be draining.  With this pain, you must grieve the loss of the marriage, the loss of the family as a unit, and then grieve that part of your identity that is being taken away.  There is no magic formula for the intensity of the pain or the amount of time that it will take to heal.  My grief so far tends to run in spurts.  The grief might be off and on all day for three weeks, and then there is a month break before it starts up again.  I have had other women tell me that theirs was every day for two hours for the length of anywhere from two to five years.

There are some individuals who have gotten divorced because of severe abuse that has gone on for years.  In Malachi 2:16, we are told, “For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the Lord of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.” (NASB)

Others have gotten divorced as a result of extramarital affairs:  The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made

at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.   And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. (Matthew 19: 3-9)

 It is possible for God to heal marriages from any situation, even the ones listed above.  However, sometimes we make the mistake of thinking that one person can fix the whole marriage.  As individuals, we can only do our part.  We cannot be the Holy Spirit for others.  I am a planner.  I like organizing, analyzing, and figuring things out.  I thought that if I could just do A, B, and C, things would be fine.  If things weren’t getting better, it was because I hadn’t figured out the right formula yet.  Satan led me to believe that I was responsible for the entire relationship. 

He led me down the path of dishonoring God, and disrespecting myself and children “all in the name of love”.  The best thing that we can do is pray and ask God for wisdom and discernment, and then in turn get professional help for ourselves.  It is easy to pass judgment upon others who are considering divorce.  However, the truth is, only the individuals involved in the marriage are aware of the severity of the situation.  I stayed in a toxic situation for twenty years.  Thank God for Him getting a hold of my heart and mind.  We can pray the same thing for others whom we know of that are walking in this path.

Dear God,

We thank you for your word to go to when we are unsure, and don’t know where to turn.  Please help us to help others by sending them to your word and prayer when it comes to decisions about divorce.  We also pray that we would not pass judgment upon others when they are going through divorce because we don’t know the whole story.  Only you do.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen

Episode 42: Lessons from the Vine-Part 1

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Episode 42: Lessons from the Vine-Part 1
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Lessons from the Vine Outline

  • Introduction
  • Scripture
  • Conversation with Coworker
  • Application to our lives
  • Podcast Transcript
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Photo by Sarah Pflug

Good afternoon everyone!

Welcome to Healing our Brokenness episode 42, entitled, Lessons from the Vine”. Have you ever received a lesson from a vine? What about the illustration that God gives us in his word regarding the vine and the branches?

John 15:5 New International Version (NIV)

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.



This past week I was talking to a coworker of mine about how the flowers in my front yard, the side of the house, and in the backyard were doing something weird this year. It is as if they were confused due to a combination of lack of sun, cold temperatures in May and June, and a variety of other reasons.

There were 2 flowers that we discussed.  One is a vine, and the other is a burning bush.  The one that I will dissect today is that of the burning bush.  The burning bush sits in front of my house. It literally has 4 different things going on with it. The first situation is that there were some branches were no leaves were produced.  The second situation that was going on was that there were branches with leaves that produced and is thriving. The next situation that is going on is that some leaves were thriving but are now dead.  And the last situation was one in which some of the Leaves had started turning their burgundy color as if fall was approaching already.  I decided to cut off the dead withered leaves.

She brought it to my attention that it could be a perfect illustration for our lives. Here is what God gave me as a lesson from the burning bush. There are certain areas of our lives that are dead.  They need to be cut out. The second lesson is that there are some areas in our lives where we are trying to move too fast instead of going through the process that God has for us. This could be due to seeing others thriving and excelling in their businesses etc.  The 3rd lesson from the burning bush is that there are some areas in our lives that are right on target and maturing properly. The last lesson from the burning bush is that there are areas of our lives where immaturity exists, and therefore, there is no growth at all. These are the areas that God wants to prune so that we can produce fruit and continue to grow.

Which one of these lessons do you identify with? I’m quite sure that we can find a little bit of ourselves in each one of them. Let’s be mindful of the areas that need growth, areas that are moving too fast, areas that are dead, and the areas that are growing in maturity in Christ just fine.

Thank you for listening to “Healing Our Brokenness, episode 42, “Lessons from the Vine”.  God bless and have a wonderful week!

Episode 41: Fear in Control

Episode 41: Fear in Control
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Fear in Control Outline

  • Fear explained.
  • Dread explained.
  • How Fear took over in my life.
  • Repetition of Satan’s Tactics.
  • Podcast Transcript

Good afternoon! Welcome to “Healing our Brokenness”, Episode 41, entitled “Fear in Control”. How many of you have dealt with fear? How did it make you feel? Was your heart racing? Did you feel like you were losing your mind? Was your body shaking?

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What is fear?  Fear is when we are perceiving something as a threat or danger to us.  If you have dealt with any kind of trauma, or have PTSD, you know that the fear part of the brain can get triggered.  And then when this happens, All reasoning goes out the door.  We know what we know, but because the fear brain has taken over, we cannot stop it. What happens is that while the fear brain is in control, you become keenly aware that the fear is irrational and needs to stop. You literally feel as if someone is behind you and after you at the same time. I have experienced this several times. When it happens, I usually get praise music in my head to let me know that I am OK. However, I cannot stop the process of what the fear brain of PTSD / trauma is doing. It has a mind of its own so to speak.  No amount of talking myself down helps me to calm down. I know that I just have to wait it out.

When we think of dread it does not bring about a good connotation. Dread makes you think of something awful taking place, another form of extreme fear within itself.  When I was in my 20s, and I found myself having a health crisis, my life was filled with fear that was out of control, and daily battles of dread of dying because of my health. I am allowed Satan to get the best of me in my thoughts, and in my spirit. Every day, as I waited for my thyroid condition to improve, Satan had me trapped in a foot hold of fear and dread about me possibly going into cardiac arrest and dying before getting to the point of feeling better. 

What made it worse is that i was suffering from an extreme lack of sleep.  When you are going without sleep for so long, it puts you quickly in a category for having a lot of other things to take place. And some of those things include mental health issues, nervous system issues, focusing issues, brain fog, and the inability to cope in general. My lack of sleep coupled with dealing with trying to get my thyroid under control for months made me the perfect bait for Satan to get a foothold.

And what were his lies? His lies were “This is it. You are not going to make it”. Then after a while, I realized that I had gone about 6 months feeding into this mess. I have wasted all of the time that could have been used enjoying myself locked into fear of dying.

As Christians, we are not exempt from dealing temptation and spiritual warfare.  We have God’s promises even when we don’t feel like they are true or that he hears us or even that he is near to us. 

Hear are some scriptures to help you during times of fear that I am currently implementing as I walk through releasing fear in certain areas of my life:

2 Corinthians 10:5 King James Version (KJV)

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.

2 Timothy 1:7 New King James Version (NKJV)

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Philippians 4:13 New King James Version (NKJV)

13 I can do all things through [a]Christ who strengthens me.

Dear God,

Please cover us in your blood from the crown of our heads to the soul of our feet.  Please help us to know that you are near.  You are the same God in every area of our lives, including fear.  Help us to remember this, even when we don’t feel it or can’t see it.  I pray for a covering of hope, love, and peace. 

In your name,

Amen

Thank you for listening to Healing our Brokenness, episode 41 entitled “Fear in Control”.