Episode 48: Helping Someone During Grief

grief, life, death, trauma, compounded trauma, Job, psychology, friends, consolation, empathy, sympathy, pain competition, katina horton, healing our brokenness, sadness

Episode 48: Helping Someone During Grief
Healing Our Brokenness Podcast Seri...

 
 
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Podcast Show Notes

grief, life, death, trauma, compounded trauma, Job, psychology, friends, consolation, empathy, sympathy, pain competition, katina horton, healing our brokenness, sadness
Photo by Matthew Henry

Helping Someone During Grief Podcast Outline

  • Symptoms of Grief
  • Job and his Grief
  • Right and Wrong Things to Say or Do During Grief

Reflection Questions:

What are some of the cliche terms that you have said when you tried consoling someone who was grieving?

Did you say these terms to avoid feeling the other person’s pain, or in a rush for the other person to feel better?

What are alternative words that can be said to someone who is suffering?

Do you have pain competitions with others when they are grieving in order to make them have a reality check, or yourself feel better because you feel that you have it worse than them?

What changes can you make to insure that people feel loved during their time of grief?

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Episode 32: Surprised by Provision

surprised, abandonment, podcast, podcasting, episode 32, provision, disappointment, psychology, emotional health, mental health, katina horton, healing our brokenness, bread, Moabitess, Ruth, Naomi, Elimelech

Episode 32: Surprised by Provision
Healing Our Brokenness Podcast Seri...

 
 
00:00 / 00:14:45
 
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Surprised by Provision Podcast Outline

  • Disappointment
  • Naomi’s Disappointment
  • Naomi’s Surprise
  • My Disappointment
  • My Surprise
  • Podcast Transcript

Surprised by Provision

surprised, abandonment, podcast, podcasting, episode 32, provision, disappointment, psychology, emotional health, mental health, katina horton, healing our brokenness, bread, Moabitess, Ruth, Naomi, Elimelech
Photo by Sheila Pedraza Burke

Disappointment

There are a lot of things that happen in life that we are just not prepared for handling.  As a matter of fact, if God revealed to us what was on the way, we’d take off running in the other direction.  Sometimes one thing happens, and that one thing ends up changing your entire world for what you know it to be. 

Naomi’s Disappointment

That is what happened to Naomi.  She was surprised by disappointment, and then surprised by provision.

Naomi and her husband Elimelech, and their two sons decided to leave Bethlehem and reside in Moab because of the famine.  Instead of life getting better at this point, it got worse.  Elimelech died.  Their two sons found wives and got married.  Then their two sons died.

Naomi decided to go back to Bethlehem, since she heard that they had bread again.  She figured that this might be a small sign of God’s provision.  Naomi told her two daughters-in-law to head back to their homelands so that they could find husbands, since she didn’t have any more sons.   Orpah left, but Ruth decided to stay:

 

And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: (Ruth 1:16, KJV)

The Return

When they returned to Bethlehem, it was evident that Naomi was surprised by God’s provision:

So they two went until they came to Bethlehem. And it came to pass, when they were come to Bethlehem, that all the city was moved about them, and they said, Is this Naomi?

 And she said unto them, Call me not Naomi, call me Mara: for the Almighty hath dealt very bitterly with me.

 I went out full and the Lord hath brought me home again empty: why then call ye me Naomi, seeing the Lord hath testified against me, and the Almighty hath afflicted me?

 So Naomi returned, and Ruth the Moabitess, her daughter in law, with her, which returned out of the country of Moab: and they came to Bethlehem in the beginning of barley harvest.  (Ruth 1: 19-22, KJV)

Neither Ruth nor Naomi had a clue that going back to Bethlehem would bring surprise provision itself.  They went back for bread.  God had a little bit more than bread waiting for them.  He slowly began to reveal his plan.    

Ruth went out to glean corn, and she met a man named Boaz.  They had a conversation, and Boaz let on to Ruth that God was recompensing her work for her full diligence:

 

And Boaz answered and said unto her, It hath fully been shewed me, all that thou hast done unto thy mother in law since the death of thine husband: and how thou hast left thy father and thy mother, and the land of thy nativity, and art come unto a people which thou knewest not heretofore.

The Lord recompense thy work, and a full reward be given thee of the Lord God of Israel, under whose wings thou art come to trust.

(Ruth 2: 11-12, KJV)

When Ruth arrived back home, Naomi questioned her about the food.  Ruth told her that she had met a man by the name of Boaz.  Naomi knew this was good news:

And Naomi said unto her daughter in law, Blessed be he of the Lord, who hath not left off his kindness to the living and to the dead. And Naomi said unto her, The man is near of kin unto us, one of our next kinsmen. (Ruth 2: 20, KJV )

According to the law, a kinsmen could be the redeemer if a relative died.  In this case, since Boaz was a kinsmen, he could redeem the land that belonged to Elimelech and his two sons.  However, there was a kinsmen even closer than Boaz.  This meant that he had first pick.  This relative didn’t want to forfeit his own inheritance.  Therefore, Boaz became the kinsmen redeemer.

And Boaz said unto the elders, and unto all the people, Ye are witnesses this day, that I have bought all that was Elimelech’s, and all that was Chilion’s and Mahlon’s, of the hand of Naomi.

 Moreover Ruth the Moabitess, the wife of Mahlon, have I purchased to be my wife, to raise up the name of the dead upon his inheritance, that the name of the dead be not cut off from among his brethren, and from the gate of his place: ye are witnesses this day. (Ruth 4: 9-10, KJV)

Surprise

What a surprise!  The women encouraged Naomi, telling her that God hadn’t forgotten about her:  

And the women said unto Naomi, Blessed be the Lord, which hath not left thee this day without a kinsman, that his name may be famous in Israel.

 And he shall be unto thee a restorer of thy life, and a nourisher of thine old age: for thy daughter in law, which loveth thee, which is better to thee than seven sons, hath born him.  (Ruth 4: 14-15, KJV)

My Surprise Disappointment

At the age of 25, I had my surprise disappointment as well.  I was pregnant with my first child, and I worked all the way up to the day before delivery.  At the time, I was the breadwinner for the household, and I had all of the family health insurance in my name.  My son had his days and nights mixed up, and so for almost six weeks, I had between two to three hours of consecutive sleep during the night.  I was at the point of extreme exhaustion, and I could tell that my blood pressure was up. 

This was confirmed when the home nurse came out to check on me.  As soon as she checked my blood pressure, she knew that it was from lack of sleep.  Four days before my six weeks was up, my son started sleeping through the night for four consecutive

hours.  However, I knew that I would need two extra weeks of this before returning to work, or else my health would plummet.

I called my job and requested an additional two weeks off.  I was informed that if I didn’t come back right away, it would be considered job abandonment.  With $50 left to my name, and no emergency money, this was a hard call.  I hung up the phone, and then wrestled with what to do.  However, I also knew that if they were like this about my health, then they would be like this about my son’s health as well.  I decided not to go back, not sure of how I would make it.

My Surprise Provision

My son was almost three months old when I took him to his three-month checkup.  After the appointment, I decided to visit my old job, which was five minutes away.  I got caught up with everyone, and my old boss asked me when I would return to work.  I told my old boss what happened, and he said,” Just like that?”.  I replied,” Yes, just like that. End of story.”  We laughed, and he asked me what I thought of working for him again.  I thought he was joking, but he was dead serious.  What a surprise!  

Within two weeks, I was back to working again.  In the beginning, I worked a five-day week, then a 10 hour four-day week while my son was little, before moving on to a different job.  I didn’t know, but God knew that his divine providence was waiting for me at this place.  Like Naomi, All I had to do was to go back and get it. 

Dear God,

Thank you for helping us to step out on faith, even when we are not sure what you have in store for us.  In your name,

Amen

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It’s Your Calling

The Declaration

darkness, death, resurrection, cross, Jesus, declaration, poetry, poem, blogger, podcaster, it is finished

Background on Declaration: The last poem that I wrote was entitled, “Sin”, and it can be found here. Today’s poem, “Declaration”, makes one take time to think about events that occurred leading up to the death of Jesus, as he hung on the cross.

darkness, death, resurrection, cross, Jesus, declaration, poetry, poem, blogger, podcaster, it is finished
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The transparency of the rain.

Of the struggles that it aims.

As one waits for the Son.

Be renewed by the One.

Who himself took on pain.

Blood of Christ filled with stains.

As the shadows drew so near.

Heard “It is finished”.

In their ears.

The Declaration: Bible Verses to Meditate On:

Matthew 27:45-50

From noon until three in the afternoon darkness came over all the land.  About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”).

 When some of those standing there heard this, they said, “He’s calling Elijah.” Immediately one of them ran and got a sponge. He filled it with wine vinegar, put it on a staff, and offered it to Jesus to drink.  The rest said, “Now leave him alone. Let’s see if Elijah comes to save him.”

And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit.

Why I Write

writing, author, book, poem, poet, poetry, blogger, blogger life, trauma, anxiety, death, birth. living, emotional health, mental health, podcaster

The last poem that I wrote was entitled, “Gratitude, Gratitude”, and it can be found here. Today’s poem takes you on a winding adventure of why I have chosen to write. Please feel free to send in your comments below on why it is that you have chosen the path of writing.

writing, author, book, poem, poet, poetry, blogger, blogger life, trauma, anxiety, death, birth. living, emotional health, mental health, podcaster
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

Why I Write

I write from the heart.

No, it’s not just a part.

It’s the pain and the struggles.

It’s the drama and the tuggles.

The laughter and the cries.

The births and the byes.

The ins and the outs.

The moments filled with doubt.

The pushing past surviving.

The greeting of the thriving.

The heartaches and the pain.

The neverending rain.

The beauty and the ashes.

The life that’s filled with dashes.

Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.


Proverbs 29:18 King James Version (KJV)

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving, gratitude, grace, cross, death, crucified

The week of Thanksgiving has finally arrived.  I hope that this week brings even more gratitude to your hearts as we deal with the messiness of life.  If you need a story to help to remind you of this, read “Gratitude Check” here.

Thanksgiving

Oh Thanksgiving!

Part of Living.

All a part of giving thanks.

Thanksgiving, gratitude, grace, cross, death, crucified

Christ He Died.

Crucified.

They denied him all the ranks.

 

Crown of thorns in his head.

And they pierced him in his side.

Thanksgiving, gratitude, grace, cross, death, crucified

Took our pain.

For our gain,

And then humbly he died.

Thanksgiving, gratitude, grace, cross, death, crucified

With praise and thanksgiving they sang to the Lord: “He is good; his love toward Israel endures forever.” And all the people gave a great shout of praise to the Lord, because the foundation of the house of the Lord was laid. (Ezra 3: 11)

At the dedication of the wall of Jerusalem, the Levites were sought out from where they lived and were brought to Jerusalem to celebrate joyfully the dedication with songs of thanksgiving and with the music of cymbals, harps and lyres. (Nehemiah 12: 27)

The Lord will surely comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins; he will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the Lord. Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the sound of singing. (Isaiah 51: 3)

Is not the cup of thanksgiving for which we give thanks a participation in the blood of Christ? And is not the bread that we break a participation in the body of Christ? (1 Corinthians 10: 16)

It is Finished

Shame:  It is Finished

You can always tell what things are important to Jesus.  That is why his last three words on the cross summed up everything:  “It is finished.” He already knows the things that keep a high level of stronghold on us.  Shame and rejection are just two of them.  Shame is when we are perceiving ourselves as bad.  This perception can be due to issues playing out in any of the following areas: financial, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, physical, and mental.  Because we are all broken, we dump shame on ourselves, and then unfortunately we dump shame on others.  Last week, we discussed the shame aspect of trauma here.  When we wallow in shame, then we see ourselves as unworthy.  We become deficient in self-worth.  What did the scripture say about our actions in regards to shame? “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of [our] faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.”  Hebrews 12:2

 

shame, despised, emotional health, spiritual health, finished, cross, Jesus
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Rejection:  It is Finished

Rejection hits the same brain wires as when we experience physical pain.  When rejection plays out, we receive the hidden message, “You are not good enough”.   You need to prove yourself.  The next natural response to not being “good enough”, is trying to figure out what we need to do in order to qualify.  Unfortunately, depending on our background, this could turn into a dangerous ground for Satan to get a foothold.  Jesus was despised and rejected as he planned to take his place on the cross.  He didn’t need to prove himself, or figure out how to get someone to like him because God, his Father, was all the approval that he needed, and Jesus is all the approval that we need.  His life in exchange for our freedom:  He was despised and rejected–a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care.  Isaiah 53: 3

 

We can finally release all of the shame and rejection on the cross by remembering the last three words that Jesus said, ” It is finished”.

 

When he had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.  John 19:30