Episode 49: The Anchor

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Episode 49: The Anchor
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Podcast Show Notes

The Anchor Podcast Outline:

  • Storms and Disappointment
  • When Discouragement Sets In
  • My November Accident
  • My Recent Accident
  • Shifting Our Focus
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Photo by Alexandra Lee

Reflection Questions

What does the word anchor mean to you?

Have you ever had to use an anchor, and if so, for what purpose?

What is the first thing that you do when a storm enters your life?

What emotions do you feel when disappointment sets in?

Have you ever wrestled with the reality of things not happening at the best time?

What resolution can you make when the storms of life seem overwhelming and never-ending?

How can shifting your focus to the anchor change everything?

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Episode 14: Broken Pieces Introduction

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Background on Broken Pieces Introduction

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The book Broken Pieces was released a few days ago. The poem that I wrote, which is also included in the book, can be found here. In this episode, we are dissecting the reason for the name, the chapters, and the overarching theme of the book. The introduction of the book will be read to help give listeners insight into wh
Broken Pieces is really about. Does the issues resonate with them? And if so, how to seek ways for God to glue these pieces back together.

Broken Pieces Introduction Podcast Outline

Introduction of the Book Chapters

  • Introduction
  • Broken Identity
  • Broken Thinking
  • Broken Approval
  • Broken Dreams
  • Broken Faith
  • Broken Judgment
  • Broken Shame
  • Broken Comparison
  • Broken Conflict
  • Broken Relationships
  • Broken Forgiveness
  • Broken Healing

Reading of the Introduction

Bible Verse to Focus On:

John 10:10

King James Bible
The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

Boundaries

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The last poem that I wrote was entitled “Inner Circle”, and it deals with the conflict of deciding who to allow in your inner circle. Today’s poem is entitled Boundaries. It can be difficult to implement boundaries, but when you do, the payoff is rewarding. As with anything, the first step is always the hardest. God bless!

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Boundaries

Boundaries. Boundaries.

It’s where you end and I begin.

Boundaries. Boundaries.

Leave them out, it becomes sin.

Boundaries, Boundaries.

I respect you. You respect me.

Boundaries. Boundaries.

When we leave them out, our rights will flee.

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Bible Verses to Meditate On:

2 Corinthians 6:14

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?

Proverbs 25:17

Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor’s house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you.

Broken Pieces

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The last poem that I wrote was entitled “Faith Without Works”. You can find that poem here. Today’s poem, Broken Pieces, deals with the emotional process of deciding to enter the door of healing: the closed door represents survival mode, and open the opened door represents the door of thriving.

Broken Pieces

Broken Pieces, Broken Pieces

Yes, it’s what you’ve settled for.

There’s no thriving, just surviving.

Door of Healing gives you more.

Door of Healing, Door of Healing.

If I open, what is there?

There is Jesus.

In the fire.

And your pain.

So You’re Aware.

You’ll press in.

You will hurt.

Oh, but then you’ll go so far.

Just keep pressing.

It’s the lesson.

Set the bar.

Now it’s your blessing.

Episode 13: Grace Aspect of Living With and Healing from Trauma

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Episode 13: Grace Aspect of Living With and Healing from Trauma
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Our last podcast, Lost in the Woods of Trauma, dealt with the process of going from having the trauma identity to reign, to have our identity in Christ to take over. This week’s episode: Grace Aspect of Living With and Healing from Trauma, shares about the embarrassing moments that we all have when we live with and heal from trauma on a daily basis, even when we have come a long way with our healing. It also handles how to see these moments as God sees them. Click to listen!

Podcast Outline

Traumatic Childhood Events

My Traumatic Childhood Event

My Eye Doctor Visit

Grace Aspect: My Resolve

Grace Aspect: Bible Verses for Meditation

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who was tempted in every way that we are, yet was without sin.  Let us therefore approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy, and find grace to help us in our time of need.


Hebrews 4: 15-16

Digestion Aspect: Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis

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In our Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis Series, I dissect issues and symptoms of PTSD/trauma. This is in hopes of letting people know that they are not alone, as well as giving people the freedom to comment, and talk about how PTSD/trauma has affected their lives in these areas. The last post in the Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis Series was one dealing with the Holiday Aspect of trauma. You can find that post here. Today’s post will focus on the Digestion Aspect.

One surprising revelation for me was realizing that PTSD/trauma actually affects your digestion. I stumbled upon this realization in June of 2014, a couple of months after getting divorced. There are three things that I noticed when it comes to trauma and digestion:

Trauma and grief will come out in the form of regurgitation.

I am not trying to sound gross here, so please bear with me. Due to complications with my ex-husband’s health, as well as the fact that I had stuffed my emotions for so long, my grief was delayed. Grieving my divorce, and all the events surrounding it, were delayed. Alleviating some of the symptoms that I was experiencing seemed downright frightening because of stuffing for so long.

This caused me to be in a vicious cycle of stuffing and feeling like my face and chest was going to explode, with very little relief. Trauma is in the tissues, and so I discovered, along with reading information on my own, that movement, grief, and massaging helped to release it. The problem came into play when I finally felt like I could release the trauma. However, the underlying feeling was that if I started crying, there would be no bottoming out. Subconsciously, I knew it was going to be a bad release.

Instead of my system waiting any longer, it released the trauma and grief in the form of regurgitation. Initially, I thought that it was just that maybe something upset my stomach. However, after four rounds of this, and feeling grief in between each round, I knew that wasn’t the case at all. It didn’t take long to put two and two together.

I felt very vulnerable, and my son kept asking me, “What did you eat?” I told him that it had nothing to do with the food. It was physiological.

Trauma will cause your system to get confused about hunger and fullness.

Another weird discovery that I made is that every now and then, stored trauma and unreleased grief will make your system confused as far as satiety is concerned. There are times when I have felt like I could keep eating forever. Then, there are other times that I feel hungry, and then attempt to eat, but will all of a sudden feel full.

Lastly, there are times when I can literally feel my emotions trapped in my midsection, causing my body to try to figure out whether it is satisfied, or it needs more food. It is the weirdest thing. It doesn’t happen as much anymore. However, when it happens, it can be very frustrating.

When doing research, one of the explanations that I found is that because of PTSD/trauma, at times, the blood that should flow into the stomach, moves away from it, going to other areas like the arms.

Trauma will cause you to become hypersensitive to certain foods, causing severe panic attacks when consumed in normal portions.

The last issue that I would like to discuss is how trauma causes hypersensitivity to foods. These foods vary from person to person. For me, it was sugar. I first discovered this when I decided to eat a glazed donut in 2015.

Within five minutes, a severe panic attack came on, I felt like I was going to hit the roof. The only thing that would help my system to calm down was drinking an excess amount of water, and then deep breathing, and a lot of prayer. Taking multivitamins has helped , but it is still not the same.

My system has improved a little. However, it can’t handle what it once was able to. Sometimes, I get frustrated with this fact. It is what it is. I have learned to accept the fact that a few moments of pleasure for an hour or more of panic just isn’t worth it.

How has PTSD/trauma affected your digestion? What are some of the ways that you use to cope with it?

God bless,

Katina

Episode 12: Lost in the Woods of Trauma

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Episode 12: Lost in the Woods of Trauma
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Have you ever lost your kid? That’s the scariest thing in the world? What about you? Have you ever been lost yourself? I mean really lost!!! Think about how you felt. Today, on Healing Our Brokenness, we are going to discuss being lost in the woods. Lost in the woods is a term that I give for “Identity Issues of Trauma.” I described this issue in the poem that I wrote that is called, “Stolen Identity”. You can find that poem here.

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  • Lost in the Woods of Trauma Outline
  • Discussion of Being Lost
  • What Led to My Discovery of Being Lost in the Woods
  • How I Grounded Myself
  • What did David Do When he was Lost in the Woods?
  • Bible Verses to Meditate On

Psalm 143 King James Version (KJV)

143 Hear my prayer, O Lord, give ear to my supplications: in thy faithfulness answer me, and in thy righteousness.

And enter not into judgment with thy servant: for in thy sight shall no man living be justified.

For the enemy hath persecuted my soul; he hath smitten my life down to the ground; he hath made me to dwell in darkness, as those that have been long dead.

Therefore is my spirit overwhelmed within me; my heart within me is desolate.

I remember the days of old; I meditate on all thy works; I muse on the work of thy hands.

I stretch forth my hands unto thee: my soul thirsteth after thee, as a thirsty land. Selah.

Hear me speedily, O Lord: my spirit faileth: hide not thy face from me, lest I be like unto them that go down into the pit.

Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee.

Deliver me, O Lord, from mine enemies: I flee unto thee to hide me.

10 Teach me to do thy will; for thou art my God: thy spirit is good; lead me into the land of uprightness.

11 Quicken me, O Lord, for thy name’s sake: for thy righteousness’ sake bring my soul out of trouble.

12 And of thy mercy cut off mine enemies, and destroy all them that afflict my soul: for I am thy servant.

Stolen Identity

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One of the worst things to happen is to be a victim of stolen identity. Sometimes it can take a couple of years to recover all the information that has been lost. When you are Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis, you also experience a sense of stolen identity. This poem has been written with the hopes that you can relate and find comfort in Our Creator, who gives the final stamp of approval.

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Stolen Identity

Identity.

Broken.

From trauma’s pieces.

Unspoken.

Like a little child.

Lost in the woods.

Look at all the roles.

And then all the should’s.

Where am I?

Who am I?

How do I get back?

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Follow the cross.

Where it gives no slack.

You are in the court building.

Where the Judge sits on high.

Where his throne reaches ceiling.

And then out through the sky.

“You have been adopted.

You know who you are.

Memories were so blocked.

Had you traveling way too far.

Ground yourself in me.

Where you’ll find your name.

You’ve already been set free.

You will never be the same.”

Bible Verses to Meditate On:

 But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

1 Peter 2:9

But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:

John 1: 12

he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—

Ephesians 1:5

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

Jeremiah 1:5

Episode 10: Pick up your mat and walk!

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Episode 10: Pick up your mat and walk!
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Pick Up Your Mat and Walk

Last week’s podcast was Episode 9: The Never-ending Shame Cycle.  You can find that podcast episode here.  This week’s podcast is Episode 10:  Pick up Your Mat and Walk.  Are you sick and tired of not being healed?  Do you feel like you have been laying down forever?  Then this podcast is for you.

Outline of Podcast: Pick up your mat and walk!

  • Story of Man at the Pool of Bethesda
  • Deeper Meaning of Jesus’ Question
  • What Mat are You Carrying?
  • How To Get Up
  • Do You Want to Be Made Well?
  • Scripture Verses to Meditate On

John 5: 1-14

Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish festivals. Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda, and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. [4] 5 One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”

“Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.”

Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.

The day on which this took place was a Sabbath, 10 and so the Jewish leaders said to the man who had been healed, “It is the Sabbath; the law forbids you to carry your mat.”

11 But he replied, “The man who made me well said to me, ‘Pick up your mat and walk.’ ”

12 So they asked him, “Who is this fellow who told you to pick it up and walk?”

13 The man who was healed had no idea who it was, for Jesus had slipped away into the crowd that was there.

14 Later Jesus found him at the temple and said to him, “See, you are well again. Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you.” 15 The man went away and told the Jewish leaders that it was Jesus who had made him well.

The Flashback/Images/Nightmare Aspect: Living with and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis

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Background on the Flashback/Images/Nightmare Aspect

A week ago, I discussed The “Inability to Focus” Aspect: Living With and Healing From Trauma on a Daily Basis.  That discussion can be found here.  Today, I will be discussing The Flashback/Images/Nightmare Aspect: Living with and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis.

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Dreaming

Nightmare Aspect

This discussion has three parts to it.  When I compare myself to others whom I have talked to, they present themselves differently, and so I deemed it necessary to explain them separately.  As far as the nightmare aspect is concerned, my experience has been that there has been very few trauma nightmares.  When the nightmares do occur, they are usually because I have fallen asleep with the television on, and a horror movie happened to come on, and that movie turned the dream into a trauma nightmare.

Also, at our last residence, because of the vaulted ceilings, you could hear everything that was going on no matter what room you were in.  It gave the impression that we were in closer proximity than we really were.  During this time, the sleep deprived trauma symptom was at its peak.  I would either wake up every 45 minutes to an hour, or fall asleep at 3 am, If my son was playing a war game on his Xbox, then that would also set me off into a trauma nightmare.

Because of the way that my brain is wired, whenever I go to sleep, I have to be careful of what is playing in the background because it will become part of my dream.  The game would cause me to dream of something violent, wake up with trauma-induced fear, my body stiff as a board, clenched teeth, and unfortunately my mouth filled with blood from biting my gums.

It  would normally take a long time to go back to sleep after this.  I would end up telling my son to turn the game volume down.  The very few times that this happened would usually involve me praying desperately for God to take away the trauma fear, and to give me the sweet sleep that he promised us in Proverbs 3.

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Waking Up

 

Trauma Dreams

Part 1

What I do have a lot of is what I call trauma dreams.  What I noticed is that when I am unable to process the trauma, i.e. grieve it, then the trauma will show up in my dreams where I am able to process it.  Usually what happens is that I will wake up with heavy grief, remembering the dream, and then grieving some more.

Part 2

The weird thing about what I call trauma dreams is that there isn’t always one theme that the dream is about.  Sometimes there are five different things that I need to process subconsciously, and the dream will mix all these different things together.

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Praying for Sweet Sleep

 

Flashbacks

Trauma flashbacks usually occur through triggers.  These triggers can be weather related, smells, sights, sounds,  tastes, and even touch.  Basically, triggers can involve any of the five senses.  The triggers aspect is discussed in more detail here.

About a year ago, I made some bean and cheese quesadillas that were pretty good.  At least, I thought they were.  However, my kids were only able to take a few bites.  The quesadillas triggered memories of an earlier time.

When I was working at a toxic company for six months, I overheard the boss mention one word.  That word sent me into a tailspin of flashbacks in regards to an extremely traumatic situation that happened with my ex-husband.  This situation of bullying was going on while my grandmother was in the hospital dying.  Basically, you never know what will trigger flashbacks.

As the spring and winter approaches, these also bring the flashbacks on.  This is because my eyes are very sensitive to transitions in the brightness and darkness outside.  I go into this blackout aspect more deeply here.

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Transitions with Light

Images

I am not sure of how many people deal with this aspect.  Where most people have violent nightmares, my trauma comes forth as violent images in front of my face.  What I have noticed is that these images will also emerge if my brain is having problems processing what it is seeing.

It can be as small as a simple fight or argument.  Sometimes I am able to tolerate it.  However, if the movie shows a lot of it, then I will see images.  A few months ago, I was watching a Netflix movie that reminded me of my ethnicity, and growing up in the black church and community.

The content started becoming questionable, and I knew the Holy Spirit was trying to signal to me that it probably wasn’t a good idea to continue.  My confirmation was when a violent fight broke out between a man and a woman, and then the trauma images came forth.  The next thing that I knew, I said, “Okay.  We’re done.  Thank you Lord for confirmation.”

If there was anything in this discussion that resonated with you, feel free to drop me a line below.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

 

Katina