Episode 65: Dissection of “My Blackness”

Episode 65: Dissection of “My Blackness”
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I just recently released a book entitled, “My Blackness” over the weekend. This podcast episode gives you a little bit of background on the book, along with a reading of four different poems coming directly from the book. Just in case you missed the last episode, here is the link: What will they say about you and me?

My Blackness Podcast Outline:

  • The Why and How of Writing “My Blackness”
  • Reading of Four Poems

If you are interested in purchasing “My Blackness”, here is a link to the book on Amazon. The kindle version is available for free until midnight, August 6, 2020. Purchasing this book means that I will receive a commission.

Have a blessed, restful week!

Katina

Triggered

triggered, poetry, katina horton, trauma, ptsd, psychology, emotional health, mental health, healing, brokenness

The word “triggered” has become so overly used in this day and age. For those of us who live with trauma/PTSD, triggers are real. And when they occur, gaining solid grounding is what’s needed in order to get past the episode. This poem, entitled, “Triggered” paints a vivid picture of what it’s like.

triggered, poetry, katina horton, trauma, ptsd, psychology, emotional health, mental health, healing, brokenness
Photo by Matthew Henry at Shopify

Triggered

Triggers-everywhere.

Sights and sounds.

Beyond compare.

The bad seems worse.

The good seems better.

Triggers in all forms-

By Good “Ole Friend” Weather.

One word. One sound. Tilts you off the ground.

One look paints a picture.

Identity in Christ-Our one and only fixture.

Episode 58: Living My Best Life

podcast life, episode 58, podcaster, podcasting, best life, emotional health, healing, simplicity, grace-filled living, brokenness, john 10: 10

Episode 58: Living My Best Life
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We are surrounded everyday on social media, via magazine, and television by people who say , ” Living My Best Life”. But, what does that mean? Listen to this week’s podcast to analyze that and more.

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Photo by Nicole De Khors

Podcast Outline:

What does “living my best life” mean?

Are you living your best life?

Who gets to decide whether we meet the criteria?

What kind of life did Jesus live?

Reflection Questions

Does your best life include Jesus?

Is your best life only focused on you?

Are you living your best life, and if not, how can you begin to do so?

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

John 10:10

His Will

his will, puzzle, acceptance, God's will, emotional health, spiritual health, psychology, mental health, decisions, life, healing, brokenness, trauma, good God

Sometimes life is just hard. We often find it difficult to understand why God allows certain things to happen. Sometimes he gives us the answer. Other times, he decides that it isn’t going to be revealed on this side of Heaven. We can always rest assured that God is always Good. He always Loves Us. He never changes. He will never forsake us. We can take all of these truths to the bank when everything else fails, and we don’t understand “His Will”.

his will, puzzle, acceptance, God's will, emotional health, spiritual health, psychology, mental health, decisions, life, healing, brokenness, trauma, good God
photo by Nicole De Khors

His Will

It is his will.

We know it is.

Though anger swells.

And darkness stills.

It is his will.

When we can’t make sense.

Of the brokenness and loss that engulfs us like a fence.

It is his will.

That is pushing us to grow.

In devotion to him,

And the blessings he’ll bestow.

It is his will.

That we dream, and dream again.

He’s the Alpha and Omega.

The Beginning and The End.

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Romans 12:2

Other poetry: Our Stories

Our Stories

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My theme for the last few weeks has seemed to focus on our stories. It is so important to gain freedom from telling and owning our stories. I came up with a poem that I would like to share with you all for reflection.

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Photo by Matthew Henry

Our Stories

Our Stories.

No, they don’t define us.

Our Stories.

God’s Word Realigns Us.

Our Stories.

Takes Us Back to the Beginning.

Our Stories.

Helps Us Sift through all the Sinning.

Our Stories.

Gives us Depth and Relation.

Our Stories.

We Are God’s Own Priestly Nation.

Integration

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There are a lot of things involved in integration. The main thing required is taking the bits and pieces of our lives and allowing the pieces of our quilts from our story to be sown together. The poem, “Integration” is my own reflection of the pieces of the quilt that I loss when I either changed churches or loss contact with friends along the way.

Integration

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Photo by Matthew Henry at Burst by Shopify

Flashes of the past.

Friendships gone.

New ones last.

Recreating community.

Origination-the trinity

Bonding with sisters and brothers.

Loving strong and caring for others.

The Path to Healing

path, path to healing, poetry, life, trauma, triggers, psychology, emotional health, mental health, spiritual health, journey, brokenness, healing, lifestyle, wellness, abandoned, childhood wounds

Each one of us have a different path to healing. No two paths are alike. However, our commonality lies in the fact that we are all human, we all struggle, and we all have childhood wounds of some sort that need to be worked out in order for us to heal and grow. Healing is a lifelong journey. Just when you think that you have completed this journey, it can be one random thought or song, or one major trauma or death that causes you to revisit certain areas, and then go in at a deeper level. The poem “The Path to Healing” reflects thoughts on my healing journey. God bless!

path, path to healing, poetry, life, trauma, triggers, psychology, emotional health, mental health, spiritual health, journey, brokenness, healing, lifestyle, wellness, abandoned, childhood wounds
Photo by Fernanda Publio

The Path to Healing

Abandoned?

Not by His love.

Wounded by earthly doves.

Journeying through all the pain.

Dancing in sun and rain.

Forgiving for damage unknown.

Believing the good will be owned.

Entangled by triggers unfounded.

Triangled-The Trinity keeps me grounded.

Direction

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Background on the Poem “Direction

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Photo by Matthew Henry

There are times in life when we don’t know which way to go. During these times, if we seek the Lord, then our mission, our purpose, and his will becomes clearer. Of course, it also means that we have to still do our part. Our part involves intentionality, setting goals, and aligning our will with his. We also need wisdom discerning in whom we should confide God’s great revelation.

I will stand at my guard post and station myself on the ramparts. I will watch to see what He will say to me and how I will answer my reproof. Then the LORD answered me: “Write down this vision and clearly inscribe it on tablets, so that a herald may run with it. For the vision awaits an appointed time; 

Habakkuk 2: 1-3

Direction

Listen- to every word that I say.

Vision-making it plain, don’t you sway.

Write it-on your heart and your mind.

Do it-all in wisdom and my time.

Show it-to your siblings, the believers.

Hold it-From the wicked, the deceivers.

Episode 45: Be Still: The Healing Aspect of Living with Trauma

emotional health, mental health, stillness, calmness, serenity,psychology, physical health, Peace, flowers, PTSD, trauma, healing, brokenness, emotional overload, body-mind connection, katina horton, podcaster, podcasting, lifestyle, author, writer, dissociation

Episode 45: Be Still: The Healing Aspect of Living with Trauma
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Be Still Podcast Outline

  • Definition of Still
  • Definition of Know
  • Dissection of Psalm 46: 10
  • What Happens With the Combo of Trauma and Constant Busyness
emotional health, mental health, stillness, calmness, serenity,psychology, physical health, Peace, flowers, PTSD, trauma, healing, brokenness, emotional overload, body-mind connection, katina horton, podcaster, podcasting, lifestyle, author, writer, dissociation
Photo by Fabio Manuel Neto da luz

Podcast Transcript:

Good afternoon! Welcome to Healing Our Brokenness, episode 45, Entitled, “Be Still:” The Healing Aspect of Living with Trauma on a Daily Basis”

What does it mean to be still?

Being still means without movement, without speech, calm, peaceful, serene.

I like to think of stillness as the act of eliminating busyness and distractions.

In Psalm 46: 10, God tells us, “Be still and know that I am God.”

To know means to be aware of through information and observation.  For us to know something or someone, we must spend time with that person or learning about that topic. If we want to know God, we must quiet our spirits, stop the striving, distractions, busyness, and do what is required to be in a relationship with him. If we want to heal from trauma, we also need a stillness to exist.

This stillness required from healing that helps us to know about our mind and body connection, can only happen when we purposefully have 2 things: time and space.

When we are busy every minute of the day, we don’t have time to know our bodies. Our bodies reveal the secrets behind our emotions.  Just recently, and recently being about 3 months ago, I started working a full-time job. After a month, I realized that I needed to tweak my schedule for the weekend.  I had to block out 3 hours on my weekend mornings in order to make sure that I could continue having my time of stillness. Without stillness, it is hard to gain clarity.

Before working full time, I had more time and space for this stillness to occur. Now, since my schedule has changed, i must be more intentional about giving myself margin.

Right before starting work with this job, I had a traumatic event to occur. Along with learning new things at work, and relearning how to drive after 30 years, I was exhibiting “ADHD-like” trauma symptoms, and having a hard time focusing.  I knew that it was only a matter of time till the emotional effects of this event would come out. My system had to be relaxed enough with stillness, and time and space to go through the steps of processing everything that had gone down.

The first symptom that was exhibited was that of nausea. I knew immediately that this was grief. And how was I able to tell that? Four years ago, when I was living at my previous residence , I became very nauseated one evening after eating.  It was the worst case ever.  I thought that I was coming down with the flu or some type of virus. It was also during this time that I had not begun to process any of the traumatic events that had occurred in the previous 3 years.  My system was on emotional and mental overload.

All of a sudden, before I knew it, I ended up regurgitating 3 to 4 times. In between each time, I felt like I needed to cry very deeply. This is how I was able to make the connection that nausea for me equals the need for grief to be released from my body.  At the time, my son asked me about the contents of what I ate that could have made me so sick. I told him that I realized that it had nothing to do with the food that I ate.

When I told my therapist about what happened, she said, “Yes, this was definitely physiological.”  

Another symptom that occurred recently is where my lips started to become numb.  I knew immediately that this represented anger that I needed to work through.  Once again, if I did not have the time within the last few years to process some of the trauma, I would not have had a clue of what was going on.  I probably would have gotten myself all worked up and anxious, perpetuating the problem.

I was then able to go to God and ask him, “What is this anger about? Is it just this traumatic event, or something else along with it?”. Having my time of stillness, and space for reflection allowed me to get to the root of the problem so that I could start healing from, it.   That anger had been coming out sideways for about 2 1/2 weeks.

Music is one of my main go-to’s for enabling me to process trauma , and so when I added more of this into my time and space, I gained even more wisdom and discernment , along with being able to release the grief from my system through crying heavily.

Changes are good.  However, changes are only fully embraced once the old has been grieved. All of the “would haves”, “should haves”, and “not any more’s”. If you are having problems healing from trauma, ask yourself if you are allowing yourself the time and space of sitting in God’s stillness.  The pain, loneliness, and loss have to be grieved. I don’t want to mislead you. There will be pain in this process. There’s no way to go around it. And I promise you, if there was, everyone would be signing up for it. There is God’s grace, mercy, and presence there.  And it is very much needed. It is also in this stillness that our mind, body, soul, and spirit will begin to reveal the answers to our questions. It will help us to lead the way and or continue our journey to a life of thriving.

First, try starting off with one hour of lying down without any distractions and see if you can notice the difference of what this new stillness brings. Initially, it will feel very uncomfortable because you will want to quickly fill up your time with busyness. However, this quiet time will begin to declutter your mind and allow you to get to the root of your issues, along with the help a therapist.

I hope that “Episode 45: ‘Be Still: The Healing Aspect Of Living With Trauma’” has been beneficial to you in some way. If Healing Our Brokenness is making a difference in your life, please leave a review, tag a friend, and give a shout out on social media. God bless! Have a wonderful week!

Recovery

Background on Recovery: When you are recovering from PTSD/trauma, it requires a lot of in-depth work. This poem depicts just that. You have to regain your sense of self, learn to listen to your body for its story, and be still with patience as God does his work.

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Recovery

It’s recovery. It’s recovery.

It requires lots of discovery.

What I think.

What I feel.

What my body tells me is real.

I’ll be still.

Know he’s God.

Do the work.

Though it’s hard.

It’s recovery. It’s recovery.

God is there.

In this discovery.