Episode 14: Broken Pieces Introduction

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Episode 14: Broken Pieces Introduction
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Background on Broken Pieces Introduction

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The book Broken Pieces was released a few days ago. The poem that I wrote, which is also included in the book, can be found here. In this episode, we are dissecting the reason for the name, the chapters, and the overarching theme of the book. The introduction of the book will be read to help give listeners insight into wh
Broken Pieces is really about. Does the issues resonate with them? And if so, how to seek ways for God to glue these pieces back together.

Broken Pieces Introduction Podcast Outline

Introduction of the Book Chapters

  • Introduction
  • Broken Identity
  • Broken Thinking
  • Broken Approval
  • Broken Dreams
  • Broken Faith
  • Broken Judgment
  • Broken Shame
  • Broken Comparison
  • Broken Conflict
  • Broken Relationships
  • Broken Forgiveness
  • Broken Healing

Reading of the Introduction

Bible Verse to Focus On:

John 10:10

King James Bible
The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

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Inner Circle

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The last poem that I wrote was entitled Strength, and it can be found here. Tonight’s poem is entittled, Inner Circle, and it deals with the conflict that arises between selecting who should and shouldn’t be included in our inner circles.

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Inner Circle

The inner circle, The inner circle, The inner circle of life.

Let in someone with wisdom, growth, and discernment?

Or, let in someone with strife.

It’s the inner circle, it’s the inner circle. Who will you let in?

Let in the workers of iniquity?

Or, let in the faithful friend?

Hey inner circle! hey inner circle!

Open the door and let me in.

Can we trust you with our trials?

Or our failures and our sin?

The inner circle, The inner circle, The inner circle of life.

Let in someone with wisdom, growth, and discernment?

Or, let in someone with strife.

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Have a blessed night in the Lord!

Katina

Bible Verses to Meditate On:

After six days Jesus took with Him Peter, James, and John the brother of James,and led them up a high mountain by themselves.   There He was transfigured before them.

Matthew 17: 1-2, Berean Study Bible

Broken Pieces

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The last poem that I wrote was entitled “Faith Without Works”. You can find that poem here. Today’s poem, Broken Pieces, deals with the emotional process of deciding to enter the door of healing: the closed door represents survival mode, and open the opened door represents the door of thriving.

Broken Pieces

Broken Pieces, Broken Pieces

Yes, it’s what you’ve settled for.

There’s no thriving, just surviving.

Door of Healing gives you more.

Door of Healing, Door of Healing.

If I open, what is there?

There is Jesus.

In the fire.

And your pain.

So You’re Aware.

You’ll press in.

You will hurt.

Oh, but then you’ll go so far.

Just keep pressing.

It’s the lesson.

Set the bar.

Now it’s your blessing.

Episode 13: Grace Aspect of Living With and Healing from Trauma

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Episode 13: Grace Aspect of Living With and Healing from Trauma
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Our last podcast, Lost in the Woods of Trauma, dealt with the process of going from having the trauma identity to reign, to have our identity in Christ to take over. This week’s episode: Grace Aspect of Living With and Healing from Trauma, shares about the embarrassing moments that we all have when we live with and heal from trauma on a daily basis, even when we have come a long way with our healing. It also handles how to see these moments as God sees them. Click to listen!

Podcast Outline

Traumatic Childhood Events

My Traumatic Childhood Event

My Eye Doctor Visit

Grace Aspect: My Resolve

Grace Aspect: Bible Verses for Meditation

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who was tempted in every way that we are, yet was without sin.  Let us therefore approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy, and find grace to help us in our time of need.


Hebrews 4: 15-16

Released

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The last poem that I wrote, The Advancer, can be found here. Today’s poem, Released, describes what happens when Christ gets a hold of our hearts. When we are open, he can heal us, and take us from a life of just surviving, to a fruitful life filled with thriving. God bless!

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Released

The Savior

The Son of God

He pierces

Straight through the heart

To the point

Where we Confess

That we’re tired

Of the Same, Old Mess

The Lifestyle

Of just coping and surviving

We’re done now

Let’s get to the thriving

He breaks down

The power of Sin

Holy Spirit

Come dwells within

He breaks down

All the walls of doubt

And His Name

Alone gives him clout

He breaks down

All power of sin

All God’s people

Can say Amen

Meditation Verse

Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

1 Corinthians 6:11

Episode 10: Pick up your mat and walk!

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Episode 10: Pick up your mat and walk!
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Pick Up Your Mat and Walk

Last week’s podcast was Episode 9: The Never-ending Shame Cycle.  You can find that podcast episode here.  This week’s podcast is Episode 10:  Pick up Your Mat and Walk.  Are you sick and tired of not being healed?  Do you feel like you have been laying down forever?  Then this podcast is for you.

Outline of Podcast: Pick up your mat and walk!

  • Story of Man at the Pool of Bethesda
  • Deeper Meaning of Jesus’ Question
  • What Mat are You Carrying?
  • How To Get Up
  • Do You Want to Be Made Well?
  • Scripture Verses to Meditate On

John 5: 1-14

Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish festivals. Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda, and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. [4] 5 One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”

“Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.”

Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.

The day on which this took place was a Sabbath, 10 and so the Jewish leaders said to the man who had been healed, “It is the Sabbath; the law forbids you to carry your mat.”

11 But he replied, “The man who made me well said to me, ‘Pick up your mat and walk.’ ”

12 So they asked him, “Who is this fellow who told you to pick it up and walk?”

13 The man who was healed had no idea who it was, for Jesus had slipped away into the crowd that was there.

14 Later Jesus found him at the temple and said to him, “See, you are well again. Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you.” 15 The man went away and told the Jewish leaders that it was Jesus who had made him well.

The Flashback/Images/Nightmare Aspect: Living with and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis

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Background on the Flashback/Images/Nightmare Aspect

A week ago, I discussed The “Inability to Focus” Aspect: Living With and Healing From Trauma on a Daily Basis.  That discussion can be found here.  Today, I will be discussing The Flashback/Images/Nightmare Aspect: Living with and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis.

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Dreaming

Nightmare Aspect

This discussion has three parts to it.  When I compare myself to others whom I have talked to, they present themselves differently, and so I deemed it necessary to explain them separately.  As far as the nightmare aspect is concerned, my experience has been that there has been very few trauma nightmares.  When the nightmares do occur, they are usually because I have fallen asleep with the television on, and a horror movie happened to come on, and that movie turned the dream into a trauma nightmare.

Also, at our last residence, because of the vaulted ceilings, you could hear everything that was going on no matter what room you were in.  It gave the impression that we were in closer proximity than we really were.  During this time, the sleep deprived trauma symptom was at its peak.  I would either wake up every 45 minutes to an hour, or fall asleep at 3 am, If my son was playing a war game on his Xbox, then that would also set me off into a trauma nightmare.

Because of the way that my brain is wired, whenever I go to sleep, I have to be careful of what is playing in the background because it will become part of my dream.  The game would cause me to dream of something violent, wake up with trauma-induced fear, my body stiff as a board, clenched teeth, and unfortunately my mouth filled with blood from biting my gums.

It  would normally take a long time to go back to sleep after this.  I would end up telling my son to turn the game volume down.  The very few times that this happened would usually involve me praying desperately for God to take away the trauma fear, and to give me the sweet sleep that he promised us in Proverbs 3.

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Waking Up

 

Trauma Dreams

Part 1

What I do have a lot of is what I call trauma dreams.  What I noticed is that when I am unable to process the trauma, i.e. grieve it, then the trauma will show up in my dreams where I am able to process it.  Usually what happens is that I will wake up with heavy grief, remembering the dream, and then grieving some more.

Part 2

The weird thing about what I call trauma dreams is that there isn’t always one theme that the dream is about.  Sometimes there are five different things that I need to process subconsciously, and the dream will mix all these different things together.

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Praying for Sweet Sleep

 

Flashbacks

Trauma flashbacks usually occur through triggers.  These triggers can be weather related, smells, sights, sounds,  tastes, and even touch.  Basically, triggers can involve any of the five senses.  The triggers aspect is discussed in more detail here.

About a year ago, I made some bean and cheese quesadillas that were pretty good.  At least, I thought they were.  However, my kids were only able to take a few bites.  The quesadillas triggered memories of an earlier time.

When I was working at a toxic company for six months, I overheard the boss mention one word.  That word sent me into a tailspin of flashbacks in regards to an extremely traumatic situation that happened with my ex-husband.  This situation of bullying was going on while my grandmother was in the hospital dying.  Basically, you never know what will trigger flashbacks.

As the spring and winter approaches, these also bring the flashbacks on.  This is because my eyes are very sensitive to transitions in the brightness and darkness outside.  I go into this blackout aspect more deeply here.

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Transitions with Light

Images

I am not sure of how many people deal with this aspect.  Where most people have violent nightmares, my trauma comes forth as violent images in front of my face.  What I have noticed is that these images will also emerge if my brain is having problems processing what it is seeing.

It can be as small as a simple fight or argument.  Sometimes I am able to tolerate it.  However, if the movie shows a lot of it, then I will see images.  A few months ago, I was watching a Netflix movie that reminded me of my ethnicity, and growing up in the black church and community.

The content started becoming questionable, and I knew the Holy Spirit was trying to signal to me that it probably wasn’t a good idea to continue.  My confirmation was when a violent fight broke out between a man and a woman, and then the trauma images came forth.  The next thing that I knew, I said, “Okay.  We’re done.  Thank you Lord for confirmation.”

If there was anything in this discussion that resonated with you, feel free to drop me a line below.

Have a blessed rest of your day!

 

Katina

 

Episode 6: Waiting on God For the Impossible

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Episode 6: Waiting on God For the Impossible
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Introduction to “Waiting on God For the Impossible”

Last week, the featured podcast was Episode 5: Woe is Me!  It can be found here.  This particular podcast dealt with the sin of self-pity.  It broke down the definition, signs and symptoms, the different areas self-pity can be involved in, and the tools to grow and move forward from self-pity.

 

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This week’s podcast is entitled, ” Waiting on God For the Impossible”.  I have found that waiting on God for an answer is one of the most difficult things to have to do.  If we were on the game show called “Family Feud”, it would come in as number two on the survey for what issues Christians find hardest to deal with.  Why?

  • It is God’s timetable not ours.
  • Our emergency is not God’s emergency.
  • The unknown can be scary.

 

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Podcast Outline

  • Introduction
  • Dissection of How Sarah and Abraham Dealt with Waiting
  • Oh, The Pain of Waiting
  • My Abraham Journey
  • Our New Home
  • My Financial Situation

 

Bible Verses to Meditate On

Genesis 17:

Part 1

When Abram was ninety-nine years old, the Lord appeared to himand said, “I am God Almighty[a]; walk before me faithfully and be blameless. Then I will make my covenant between me and you and will greatly increase your numbers.”

Abram fell facedown, and God said to him, “As for me, this is my covenant with you: You will be the father of many nations. No longer will you be called Abram[b]; your name will be Abraham,[c] for I have made you a father of many nations. I will make you very fruitful; I will make nations of you, and kings will come from you.

I will establish my covenant as an everlasting covenant between me and you and your descendants after you for the generations to come, to be your God and the God of your descendants after you. The whole land of Canaan,where you now reside as a foreigner, I will give as an everlasting possession to you and your descendants after you; and I will be their God.”

Part 2

Then God said to Abraham, “As for you, you must keep my covenant,you and your descendants after you for the generations to come. 10 This is my covenant with you and your descendants after you, the covenant you are to keep: Every male among you shall be circumcised. 11 You are to undergo circumcision, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and you.

12 For the generations to come every male among you who is eight days old must be circumcised, including those born in your household or bought with money from a foreigner—those who are not your offspring. 13 Whether born in your household or bought with your money, they must be circumcised. My covenant in your flesh is to be an everlasting covenant. 14 Any uncircumcised male, who has not been circumcised in the flesh, will be cut off from his people; he has broken my covenant.”

Part 3

15 God also said to Abraham, “As for Sarai your wife, you are no longer to call her Sarai; her name will be Sarah. 16 I will bless her and will surely give you a son by her. I will bless her so that she will be the mother of nations; kings of peoples will come from her.”

17 Abraham fell facedown; he laughed and said to himself, “Will a son be born to a man a hundred years old? Will Sarah bear a child at the age of ninety?” 18 And Abraham said to God, “If only Ishmael might live under your blessing!”

19 Then God said, “Yes, but your wife Sarah will bear you a son, and you will call him Isaac.[d] I will establish my covenant with him as an everlasting covenant for his descendants after him. 20 And as for Ishmael, I have heard you: I will surely bless him; I will make him fruitful and will greatly increase his numbers. He will be the father of twelve rulers, and I will make him into a great nation.

Part 4

21 But my covenant I will establish with Isaac, whom Sarah will bear to you by this time next year.” 22 When he had finished speaking with Abraham, God went up from him.

23 On that very day Abraham took his son Ishmael and all those born in his household or bought with his money, every male in his household, and circumcised them, as God told him. 24 Abraham was ninety-nine years old when he was circumcised,

25 and his son Ishmael was thirteen;26 Abraham and his son Ishmael were both circumcised on that very day.27 And every male in Abraham’s household, including those born in his household or bought from a foreigner, was circumcised with him.

 

Mark 9: 14-27

Jesus Heals a Boy Possessed by an Impure Spirit

Part 1

14 When they came to the other disciples, they saw a large crowd around them and the teachers of the law arguing with them. 15 As soon as all the people saw Jesus, they were overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet him.

16 “What are you arguing with them about?” he asked.

17 A man in the crowd answered, “Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. 18 Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not.”

19 “You unbelieving generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me.”

20 So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth.

Part 2

21 Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?”

“From childhood,” he answered. 22 “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”

23 “‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”

24 Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

25 When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, he rebuked the impure spirit. “You deaf and mute spirit,” he said, “I command you, come out of him and never enter him again.”

26 The spirit shrieked, convulsed him violently and came out. The boy looked so much like a corpse that many said, “He’s dead.” 27 But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him to his feet, and he stood up.

Oh Self-Pity!

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Earlier this week, I recorded a podcast on self-pity, entitled, ” Woe Is Me!”  You can find it here.  Today, I wrote a poem on self-pity to help us all deal with its spiritual stronghold.

Oh Self-Pity!

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Oh Self-Pity! Oh Self-Pity!

You have built your own little city.

“Look at me! Look at me!

Don’t you see me suffering?”

 

“I’m the victim, full of sad.

Turning inward all the mad.

Oh, dear God, but I’m your friend.

When will you take the revenge?”

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(God Answers)

“Take Mercy and Grace, Make them your friends.

That inward thing, your heart will mend.”

 

“Oh Self-Pity! Oh Self-Pity!

God has destroyed your little city.

Look at me! Look at me!

God has surely set me free!”

 

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Bible Verse to Reflect on In Regards to Self-Pity

 

73 Truly God is good to Israel, even to such as are of a clean heart.

But as for me, my feet were almost gone; my steps had well nigh slipped.

For I was envious at the foolish, when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

For there are no bands in their death: but their strength is firm.

They are not in trouble as other men; neither are they plagued like other men.

 

Therefore pride compasseth them about as a chain; violence covereth them as a garment.

Their eyes stand out with fatness: they have more than heart could wish.

They are corrupt, and speak wickedly concerning oppression: they speak loftily.

They set their mouth against the heavens, and their tongue walketh through the earth.

10 Therefore his people return hither: and waters of a full cup are wrung out to them.

11 And they say, How doth God know? and is there knowledge in the most High?

12 Behold, these are the ungodly, who prosper in the world; they increase in riches.

13 Verily I have cleansed my heart in vain, and washed my hands in innocency.

 

14 For all the day long have I been plagued, and chastened every morning.

15 If I say, I will speak thus; behold, I should offend against the generation of thy children.

16 When I thought to know this, it was too painful for me;

17 Until I went into the sanctuary of God; then understood I their end.

18 Surely thou didst set them in slippery places: thou castedst them down into destruction.

19 How are they brought into desolation, as in a moment! they are utterly consumed with terrors.

 

20 As a dream when one awaketh; so, O Lord, when thou awakest, thou shalt despise their image.

21 Thus my heart was grieved, and I was pricked in my reins.

22 So foolish was I, and ignorant: I was as a beast before thee.

23 Nevertheless I am continually with thee: thou hast holden me by my right hand.

24 Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory.

 

25 Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.

26 My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.

27 For, lo, they that are far from thee shall perish: thou hast destroyed all them that go a whoring from thee.

28 But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all thy works.

The Blackout Aspect: Living With and Healing From Trauma on a Daily Basis

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Dissecting the Blackout

A couple of weeks ago, we focused on the shame aspect of trauma.  You can find that discussion:   “The Shame Aspect: Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis” here.  Today, we will discuss the blackout aspect of trauma.

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What is the blackout aspect of trauma?  The blackout aspect of trauma consists of several different things.  First of all, not everyone, but for some people living with PTSD/trauma, there is something that happens with your body’s sense of being able to handle the transition between light and dark if that makes sense.  For myself, it was so significant that at first, I had to have a lot of lights on in the house.  If I didn’t, I would feel like the darkness was closing in on me.

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Old Experience with Blackout

When my kids and I were homeless, and waiting for God to give us a place to live, one of my friends took us in for five weeks.  At this time, my issue with blackout was so bad, that the darkness made me scared to fall asleep.  I would wake up in a panic, and have to calm myself down so that I could feel rested.  I felt like I had gone from a forty something year old woman to a child afraid of the dark again.  So, not only was it scary, but I was filled with shame.

New Experience with Blackout

What I noticed the situation is now, is that I have such a sensitivity to light, that I have to have it completely dark in order to fall asleep.  If there is any light coming in from the blinds, I know I am going to have trouble falling asleep.  If I don’t have the light blocking my face, even if I’ve had 8 hours of sleep, I will have extreme layers of bags under my eyes that will look like I haven’t slept in days.  Also, my whole body will be in an extreme case of exhaustion.

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Two years ago, I had to serve at the concession stand at church for basketball season.  It was a pretty gloomy day in general, and since it was early evening when I got dropped off at the church, it was even darker.  I stepped into the church’s kitchen to begin my serving shift, when everything started closing in on me.

My old techniques were immediate panic, but right then, I reminded myself of where I was, that it would eventually stop, and that engaging in conversation with others around me would help me to get grounded in the present moment.  I would just have to ride it out.

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Photo by Craig Adderley on Pexels.com

When is the blackout aspect really bad?  This is during the time where there is changing of the seasons, especially when it starts getting darker closer to winter.

I do a better job of handling it now, but in the beginning, it really rattled me to be honest.  Feel free to drop a line in regards to your blackout aspect, and how you handle it.

 

God bless and have a wonderful weekend.