The Music Aspect: Living With & Healing From Trauma

trauma, music aspect, living with trauma on a daily basis, healing, music, church, loudness, softness, music therapy, PTSD, psychology, mental health, emotional health

Today, I am featuring another aspect in the “Living With and Healing from Trauma on a Daily Basis” series. This aspect is that of music. Music can have several effects. It can make you go from feeling relaxed to nervous, anxious, and scared, and then switch over to anger, frustration, and sadness in a heartbeat.

trauma, music aspect, living with trauma on a daily basis, healing, music, church, loudness, softness, music therapy, PTSD, psychology, mental health, emotional health
Photo by Samantha Hurley

Whether you are suffering with trauma/PTSD or not, listening to music can take you back to twenty years of memories that can feel like it was yesterday. Our emotions get stirred, and if we are not careful, we can start riding the waves. You can start thinking about old relationships and all sorts of things.

When it comes to music and PTSD, it can be both a good and bad thing, depending upon the situation. If the music is loud and harsh, with screaming involved, it can cause you to have the trauma symptoms of irritation, dissociation, and anxiety.

Unfortunately, I have experienced all of these. About five years ago, my son was listening to some metal Christian music. I had to ask him to turn it down, then off. It was just too much. The screaming caused the Fear Aspect of Trauma to settle in. I started to feel unsettled in my spirit, along with feeling agitation and anxiousness.

Whether you are listening to loud or soft music, if you haven’t processed memories that are associated with a particular song, you may not be able to tolerate that song or style of music for a while. You’ll usually know if you can tolerate the song/style because you will be able to listen to it without any problems. If the song is intolerable, you usually end up with bad flashbacks or dissociation.

Just recently, I realized that I am fully able to enjoy gospel music again. Starting in 2013, it became hit or miss. Gospel music is associated with attending a missionary baptist church as a kid, leading the choir with my ex-husband, praise dancing, and my roots in general. In order for me to truly appreciate it again, I had to process the important events that this genre held close to my heart. The events weren’t just from one particular time period. They were spread across years.

Recently, my friend invited me to two gospel concerts she performed in. I felt like I was back in the church that I attended as a kid. I knew that this genre had helped me to place the piece of puzzle of my identity in this area back to where it belonged.

Music from the 70s and 80s is also some of my favorites. When I listen to this music, it causes ambivalence. Why? This time period represents a life of simpler times. I have relatives that were alive then, and no longer alive. Community was food, dancing, talking, and enjoying one another’s company. Sometimes, I find myself dancing and crying at the same time.

The more I listen to it, the better it gets. However, I still have moments of extreme grief from trauma, as well as joy at the same time because these memories will forever be in my heart.

How has the music aspect affected your PTSD? Would love to hear your thoughts!

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It’s Your Calling

calling, resistance, simple functional grace-filled living, redemption, trauma, ptsd, anxiety, leaving Egypt behind, freedom, thriving

Why are we so afraid to step into our calling? There are various reasons. However, when we see and feel the freedom that it brings, we will wonder why we ever resisted displaying and embracing that irresistible mission.

It’s your Calling

calling, resistance, simple functional grace-filled living, redemption, trauma, ptsd, anxiety, leaving Egypt behind, freedom, thriving
photo by Sarah Pflug

It’s Your Calling, It’s Your Calling.

It’s God Sent.

Why are you stalling?

Your Life’s Traumas will not be wasted.

The end product cannot be hasted.

It’s your calling, It’s your calling.

Leave Egypt behind.

Forget its hauling.

Episode 29: The Power of God

podcaster, podcasting, power of God, broke down car, simple functional grace-filled living, katina horton, healing our brokenness, emotional health, mental health, psychology, brokenness, ptsd, divorce, marriage, breakdown, anxiety, ptsd

Episode 29: The Power of God
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The Power of God Podcast Outline:

  • Dissection of Relationships and Our Brokenness
  • My Witness to the Power of God
  • Saul’s Witness to the Power of God
  • Podcast Transcript
podcaster, podcasting, power of God, broke down car, simple functional grace-filled living, katina horton, healing our brokenness, emotional health, mental health, psychology, brokenness, ptsd, divorce, marriage, breakdown, anxiety, ptsd
Photo by Rodolfo Clix on Pexels.com

Welcome to Healing Our Brokenness Episode 29: The Power of God. Have you ever seen the Power of God in your life? Well, today I am going to give two examples of his power at work. First of all, let’s do some a little dissection.

Dissection of Relationships and Our Brokenness

Whether we are at church, work, or in our neighborhoods, it is important to cultivate relationships with people. Sometimes, in the process of doing this, people become jealous, or they turn on us for no reason. If there is a reason, it is one that doesn’t make sense to us.


However, since we are all broken, we all do things that are characteristic of our sin nature. In a few of these instances, there are times when the people who turn on us are toxic, and the best thing to do is to setup boundaries. In many cases, this may involve little to no contact at all. Prayer from a distance is the best way to go.

My Witness to the Power of God


When I was going through my divorce, my ex-husband’s behavior got so out of control and toxic, that I had to setup a boundary that he could not come back to our marital residence to visit the kids for some months. They could walk out to the car to go with him.

However, that was the extent of it. What led to this decision? His behavior was so out of control during one particular visit, that it cut through my soul and crushed my spirit. It was also during this time that my grandmother was dying in the hospital. I ended up having an emotional breakdown of sorts and was hanging on by a thread.

All correspondence was done via email for a while. What I didn’t find out until later from my son, is that he had decided he was going to come in anyway. However, as the Lord would have it, the first time that he attempted this, his car broke down. Every time that he decided that he wouldn’t follow the paperwork from the court for his financial obligations, his car would break down. My friend joked with me and said that she would never
cross me. I said, ” Why?” Her response was that once I started praying things happened.

Saul’s Witness to the Power of God


Saul became jealous of David because the women sang songs about how David had slain ten thousands and Saul had slain thousands. Saul’s anger got so out of control, that he decided that he would kill David. He sent his messengers ahead of him to find out his exact location.


As God would have it, his messengers ended up prophesying. They entered the place where Samuel and his prophets were praying and prophesying, and God caused this to happen to them. Saul sent messengers out two more times. The same thing happened. Finally, he went himself, and God caused him to be filled with the prophesying spirit. This was done long enough for David to escape.


When David had fled and made his escape, he went to Samuel at Ramah and told him all that Saul had done to him. Then he and Samuel went to Naioth and stayed there. Word came to Saul: “David is in Naioth at Ramah”; so he sent men to capture him. But when they saw a group of prophets prophesying, with Samuel standing there as their leader, the Spirit of God came on Saul’s men, and they also prophesied. Saul was told about it, and he sent more men, and they prophesied too. Saul sent men a third time, and they also prophesied. Finally, he himself left for Ramah and went to the great cistern at Seku. And he asked, “Where are Samuel and David?”

“Over in Naioth at Ramah,” they said.
So Saul went to Naioth at Ramah. But the Spirit of God came even on him, and he walked along prophesying until he came to Naioth. He stripped off his garments, and he too prophesied in Samuel’s presence. He lay naked all that day and all that night. This is why people say, “Is Saul also among the prophets?”


Talk about the power of God moving! When we do the praying, God does the acting.

Prayer:


Dear God,

We thank you for your grace. Thank you for having our backs when we are literally up against the wall from our enemies. Please help us to remember to set boundaries and pray when we are surrounded by toxic people.

In your name,
Amen

Episode 28: Bad Advice

Episode 27: Simply Grace

recipes, healthy eating, poetry, poems, healing, brokenness, PTSD, trauma, abuse, katina horton, author, poet, healing our brokenness, episode 27

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In case you missed our last episode, “The Sin of Cynicism-Part 2”, you can find that episode here. Today’s episode, Episode 27, is entitled Simply Grace. I hope that you enjoy this special poetry reading.

  • Simply Grace Podcast Outline:
  • Introduction
  • Dissection of Topics and Reading of Poetry
  • Closing Remarks
  • Show Transcript
recipes, healthy eating, poetry, poems, healing, brokenness, PTSD, trauma, abuse, katina horton, author, poet, healing our brokenness, episode 27

Welcome to the Healing Our Brokenness Podcast Episode 27: Simply Grace.  The intro and ending song that you hear on the podcast is entitled “Valley of Grace” and is song by Timothy Horton.  Today is a special episode.  Why is that?  I will be ready poetry from a book that I published back in February entitled, “Simply Grace”.  It is available on Amazon.  Simply Grace is a compilation of simple, healthy recipes that are mostly non-meat, along with poetry that tackles tough issues that we face every day.  However, these issues are seasoned with grace.  I deal with truth, so that the truth brings healing.  We are set free by true.  I also deal with raw emotions.

The first poem, entitled “The Quench” deals with Approval Addiction/Perfectionism/People Pleasing:

Reading of the poem

The next poem, entitled “The Source of Self-Worth” dissects our need for self-worth, and not just the need, but the struggle to get it from things, rather than the main source.

Reading of the poem

The next poem, entitled” Coat of Favor” deals with the Life of Joseph, his trials, and his redemption.

Reading of the Poem

Have you ever taken matters into your own hands, instead of waiting on God?  The next poem deals with just that.  It is entitled, “Oh, The Pain of Waiting”.

Reading of the Poem

For those of us who have been through abuse, we must relearn what love is.  That is what” Abide My Love, Dance with Me” is all about: God’s love poured out on me to reshape my thoughts on abuse.  Secondly, it describes how I danced with my Heavenly Father during a period of trials and financial despair, and how God “showed me his back” as his showed Moses, so to speak, by allowing me to feel his presence for several hours.

Reading of the Poem

The last poem, “I am the Vine, And So Is It Time?” deals with a combination of things:  the Crucifixion of Jesus on the Cross, John 15, and the Clematis vine that I attempted to tie to the trellis last spring as I was getting bit by mosquitos.  The first time that I attempted this adventure, there were too many mosquitos out.   The second and final time I was finally able to do it.  However, just within the few days of break in between, the clematis vine had completely wrapped itself around one of the heucheras.  It was a wonderful way to see the scriptures in action.

Reading of the Poem

Thank you for listening to Episode 27: Simply Grace, and if you are enjoying the Healing Our Brokenness Podcast, please recommend a friend, share on social media, and/or subscribe to hear us on Youtube, Itunes, Google Play, Stitcher, and Spotify.  You can also listen to us on the blog.

God bless!! Until Next time!

Episode 25: The Sin of Cynicism-Part 1

emotional health, ptsd, trauma, mental health, sin, cynicism, mockery, scornful, katina horton, healing, spiritual health, podcaster, author, author life, blogger

Episode 25: The Sin of Cynicism-Part 1
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Hello everyone! I have a new podcast episode over on the blog. Just in case you missed the last episode, you can find that one here. Today’s podcast episode is entitled, “The Sin of Cynicism-Part 1”. My podcast is now available on YouTube. Click here to subscribe to my YouTube Channel for podcast episodes.

emotional health, ptsd, trauma, mental health, sin, cynicism, mockery, scornful, katina horton, healing, spiritual health, podcaster, author, author life, blogger
Photo by bruce mars on Pexels.com

The Sin of Cynicism Podcast Outline

  • Definition of Cynicism
  • Factors that Predispose Us for Cynicism
  • Abuse and Cynicism
  • Podcast Transcript

Good evening!  Welcome to the Healing Our Brokenness Podcast.  Today’s recording is Episode 25: “The Sin of Cynicism-Part 1”

Definition of Cynicism

Cynicism is the process of being a scorner, doubter, scoffer, having paranoia, mistrust, and skepticism about things.  Everyone is cynical at one time or another, however, cynicism becomes a concern when it gets in the way of life’s joys for us, other people being around us, and it is labeled as part of our brokenness.

Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.

(Psalm 1:1)

Factors that Predispose Us for Cynicism

There are several factors that make up the reasons for one adopting cynicism as part of their lifestyle:

  • You have experienced a lot of issues with betrayal.
  • There are historical patterns of things not working out in your favor, or working out in a way that is undesirable to you.
  • You get to the point of seeing too much and hearing too much to think that things will be different.
  • Most of the people that you trusted let you down.
  • The few times that you thought things would turn out good, they turned out bad, and you lost faith in believing that things could be different.

Whatever, the case may be, from the outside looking in, it is easy to be judgmental to something we don’t understand.  It is not a license for us to commit the sin.  However, empathy helps us to understand that the sin of cynicism is just like having any other sin.   It becomes addictive, spreads like a disease, creates negativity, and begs for more.

After having to deal with a divorce from a toxic individual, I experienced some cynicism creeping in.  As a matter of fact, I had someone to mention it to me.  It made me become more aware of when I was allowing it to get a foothold. 

Abuse and Cynicism

I have also noticed that when individuals have been abused, and the abuser has run an all-out smear campaign packed with lies against the victim , and then brainwashes, and pulls in the victim’s family, it becomes the perfect tool for Satan to intertwine inside this person as a stronghold, rather than just a phase of grief. 

The individual starts to believe that no one can be trusted.  We know that this isn’t true.  However, when we are in pain, we often shake hands with Satan for all kinds of addictions and coping mechanisms to cover up our hurt.

We can vacillate from one end of the spectrum to another.  Either we are too trusting, or we distrust everyone.

Trust takes a while to gain.  When trust is broken through lies and betrayal, we are left with the thoughts in our minds that everyone will do the same thing that this person or persons did to us.

Replacing our pain and hurt with healing is the hard, but fruitful way out of cynicism.  But as with any coping mechanism, what we have allowed to go on for so long becomes part of our normal and dysfunctional patterns of behavior.

When things aren’t happening our way, in our will, and in our timing, we trade whole faith and God’s promises for broken pieces of cynicism.

I want to leave you with some bible verses to help you if the sin of cynicism is a part of your brokenness:

Romans 11 English Standard Version (ESV)

The Remnant of Israel

11 I ask, then, has God rejected his people? By no means! For I myself am an Israelite, a descendant of Abraham,[a] a member of the tribe of Benjamin. God has not rejected his people whom he foreknew. Do you not know what the Scripture says of Elijah, how he appeals to God against Israel? “Lord, they have killed your prophets, they have demolished your altars, and I alone am left, and they seek my life.” But what is God’s reply to him? “I have kept for myself seven thousand men who have not bowed the knee to Baal.” So too at the present time there is a remnant, chosen by grace. But if it is by grace, it is no longer on the basis of works; otherwise grace would no longer be grace.

The Example of Christ-Romans 15: 1-7

15 We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For Christ did not please himself, but as it is written, “The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me.”For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.

Thank you for listening to Episode 25 of Healing Our Brokenness:  “The Sin of Cynicism-Part 1”.  Remember if this podcast is making a difference in your life, recommend a friend for listening.  Thanks, and have a beautifully blessed weekend!

Episode 23: Sabotaging Our Healing

sabotaging our healing, brokenness, psychology, emotional health, psychological health, spiritual health, character development, trauma, ptsd, podcaster, katina horton, author, podcasting, simple functional grace-filled living, valley of grace, broken pieces, Teachable Course

Episode 23: Sabotaging Our Healing
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Sabotaging Our Healing Podcast Outline

  • Sabotage Our Healing with Busyness and Instability
  • Sabotaging Our Healing by Allowing Shame and Perception Of Others to Reign
  • Sabotaging Our Healing by Surrounding Ourselves with Clutter
  • Lastly, we Sabotage Our Healing by Refusing to Do What We’re Told
  • Podcast Transcript

Good morning!  Welcome to Healing Our Brokenness.  And today we are recording Episode 23:  Sabotaging Our Healing.  When we think of the word sabotage, it suggests the following: “getting in the way, damaging, intentionally interrupting, preventing something from taking place.  When we think of sabotaging our healing, it means that we are harming or preventing ourselves from healing.  Since the rewards of healing is astronomical, why would we want to prevent ourselves from doing it?  There are several reasons why:

  • We’re afraid to face the pain.
  • We don’t want the work.
  • We don’t want to use our free time to do it.
  • We really don’t want to be free because we have been in bondage for so long, and so, the bondage that we know is better than the freedom that we don’t.

sabotaging our healing, brokenness, psychology, emotional health, psychological health, spiritual health, character development, trauma, ptsd, podcaster, katina horton, author, podcasting, simple functional grace-filled living, valley of grace, broken pieces, Teachable Course
Photo by Francesco Paggiaro on Pexels.com

There are several ways that we sabotage our healing:

 

  1. Sabotage Our Healing with Busyness and Instability- We will fill our days up from morning till night being busy so that we don’t have to sit long enough to feel.  If we work outside the home, we spend hours shopping after work before going home.  If we work inside the home, we make sure that we are busy from morning to night.  We think that we can outsmart our mind and emotions.  I have been guilty of doing this one myself.  What I noticed is that one of three things usually happen.

Situation 1:  When we finally lay down to go to bed, our minds are going 100 mph with anxiety.  We start going over all the things that we did during the day.  The feelings start coming up.  Our past starts knocking on our door.  Unhealed brokenness starts bleeding out.  Obtrusive thoughts start settling in.  Then, we end up not being able to go to sleep for several hours because our minds are trying to process everything that we didn’t allow it to process during the day.  Several days of this can turn into weeks, and then weeks into months.  And if we didn’t have trauma before, there is definitely a chance of developing it then.  We can only go so many days like this.  Our bodies can’t sustain this lifestyle without breaking down.

Situation 2:  We conk out as soon as our heads hit the pillow.  Because we haven’t processed anything, we are running on empty in every area.  We keep putting off dealing with certain things until they are a must.  And when we have to deal with it, we end up shutting down, or having a complete emotional meltdown/tantrum.  This can play out at work, school, home, church wherever.

When we are on emotional and mental overload, there is no way to control when and where it will come out.  Even now, I have to remind myself to take a break from work and give myself thirty minutes to lay down and think about nothing.  This became an issue for me after the trauma that occurred within the last seven years.  Believe it or not, as soon as I begin to relax, I can feel emotions coming up.  I also like to have reflection time in the morning when I wake up.  If I am in a rush and have to leave out an emotional mess from backed up grief, my emotions only intensify as the day goes on.

Situation 3:  We become consistently inconsistent at everything.  Lack of structure gets in the way of our healing.  When we are all over the place, our minds are all over the place, and then our lives and relationships are all over the place.

 

  1. Sabotaging Our Healing by Allowing Shame and Perception Of Others to Reign-This is also one that I am guilty of having to watch myself. If I allow my brokenness of perfectionism and the shame that it’s friends with to kick in, I am more tempted to want to hold off sharing with my life-giving friends or therapist about what is going on now, or a situation that happened in the past.

 

I get caught up wondering what the person will think of me, how I will be perceived, and the list goes on and on.  I also get caught up in wondering whether or not I will possibly “lose it” and have an “ugly face” cry in front of others.  I have to remind myself that these are safe people, and if I cry, so what!  I ‘m human.  We’re all broken.  Satan will try whatever way that he can to discourage us from being vulnerable.  Vulnerability in a safe environment with time and space chips away the stone of shame.

 

  1. Sabotaging Our Healing by Surrounding Ourselves with Clutter-We fill up every knick and cranny of our homes and our cars with clutter.  It prevents us from being able to gain clarity about anything.  It prevents us from having structure and space to feel.  We also have problems making decisions because the clutter is serving as an emotional pacifier.  As soon as the clutter starts being lifted, then we can be tempted to go back again.  Our addictions take the place of feeling the hurt and pain that we are holding keeping at bay.  Being surrounded by excessive clutter takes the place of being able to dig into our feelings.  Therefore, we often go back to our addictions.  The pain becomes too much to bear.  And instead of pressing in, we press out to comfort.

 

  1. Lastly, we Sabotage Our Healing by Refusing to Do What We’re Told-If our therapists, coaches, friends, pastors, or others give us godly counsel in regard to our behavior, we have already come up with 50 excuses as to why we can’t begin to make changes.  We are intent on doing it the way that we want to do it.  However, nine times out of ten, our way isn’t going to work.  If it was, we would have started making changes.

 

Naaman went to see Elisha in order to be healed from leprosy.  He almost sabotaged his own healing because he didn’t want to do what he was told.  He wanted Elisha to come out and do a powerful healing ceremony.  He thought that he was “too good” to stoop to Elisha’s healing instructions.  Elisha instructed him to wash in the Jordan seven times.  He finally did it, with some prodding from his servant.  But, he definitely wasn’t happy about it.

2 Kings 5

So Naaman went with his horses and chariots and stopped at the door of Elisha’s house. 10 Elisha sent a messenger to say to him, “Go, wash yourself seven times in the Jordan, and your flesh will be restored and you will be cleansed.”

11 But Naaman went away angry and said, “I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the Lord his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy. 12 Are not Abana and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel? Couldn’t I wash in them and be cleansed?” So he turned and went off in a rage.

13 Naaman’s servants went to him and said, “My father, if the prophet had told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more, then, when he tells you, ‘Wash and be cleansed’!” 14 So he went down and dipped himself in the Jordan seven times, as the man of God had told him, and his flesh was restored and became clean like that of a young boy.

 

Naaman almost missed out on his healing because he wanted it “his way”.  What happens when we want things our way?  We miss out on everything God has to offer and more.  God uses wise people to lead us to make wise decisions.  However, he will not beg us to do our part.

 

So, what is the solution to combatting sabotage?  Desiring a life that thrives over a life of stagnancy.   No one can give us the desire and motivation to heal.  Unfortunately, there is no magic formula.  The comfort is that Jesus will be there with us in the fire.  We can teach our kids and leave a legacy behind that stops the generational sins of our fathers.

 

God bless!  Thanks for listening to Episode 23:  Sabotaging Our Healing

 

 

 

 

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If you are ready to heal from Trauma or Any Brokenness, and you are tired of the Sabotage Cycle, check out brokenpieces.teachable.com for Two Courses:  Broken Pieces:  From Survival Mode to the Life of Thriving & De-Clutter Your Home, De-Clutter Your Mind, and De-Clutter Your Life

 

Last podcast episode:

 

Opposition Against Your Calling

 

 

Refusal to Heal

healing, refusal to heal, brokenness, sin, emotional health, ptsd, trauma, mental health, priorities, course, road, katina horton, author, poet, poetry, blogger

Background on Refusal to Heal

This poem reflects the struggle that lies within all of us when it comes to healing.  We all have the potential.  However, healing involves doing.  Which path will we choose?

healing, refusal to heal, brokenness, sin, emotional health, ptsd, trauma, mental health, priorities, course, road, katina horton, author, poet, poetry, blogger
Photo by Pedro Sandrini on Pexels.com

 

“Time to heal. Time to heal.

Though it may not be a thrill.”

 

No, I’ll stay busy.

I will avoid.

I won’t get help.

My soul’s annoyed.

 

It’s your decision.

There is no force.

Whatever you choose,

You’ve set your course.

 

Just as a reminder,

There is no win.

When you know good to do,

And ignore it,

Then it becomes sin.

 

 

 

 

Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.  James 4: 17

 

Other poems:

Opening the Trust Door

Disappointments

Opening the Trust Door

trust, emotional health, ptsd, mental health, psychology, blog, blogging, belief, healing, brokenness, thriving, opening the door

We have all had trust issues at one time or another.  These issues usually stem from experiencing hurt from the people that are closest to us.  The poem “Opening the Trust Door” portrays a dialog that occurs between us and God.  God is the only one that can heal our issues with trust.  That is, if we invite him in.

trust, emotional health, ptsd, mental health, psychology, blog, blogging, belief, healing, brokenness, thriving, opening the door
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

Should I trust again?

Do I let people in?

Will they bring me more pain?

Or, stand with me in the rain?

 

Do I stay in the cave?

Where it’s dark, but feels safe?

Or, do I walk out and thrive?

And thank God I’m alive.

 

If I open the gate,

Will there be much more hate?

 

“If you let me come in,

We’ll be more than just friends.”

Episode 20: Just a Little White Lie

just a little white lie, lying, truth, author, blog, blogger, emotional health, healing our brokenness, hereditary, katina horton, mental health, podcast, podcasting, PTSD, self-inflicted, valley of grace blog

Episode 20: Just a Little White Lie
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If you missed the last episode, you can grab it here. Today’s episode deals with something that we have all found ourselves doing. Click and take a listen!

Episode 20: Just a Little White Lie Podcast Outline

  • What are we lying about?
  • Two Stories of Biblical Lying
  • Podcast Transcript
just a little white lie, lying, truth, author, blog, blogger, emotional health, healing our brokenness, hereditary, katina horton, mental health, podcast, podcasting, PTSD, self-inflicted, valley of grace blog
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

Hello!

Welcome to Valley of Grace’s Healing Our Brokenness.  Today I am featuring “Episode 20: Just A Little White Lie”.  Lying is something that we have all done.  When we lie, and someone calls us out on it, our response is usually, “Oh it’s just a little white lie.  Everybody lies.” 

So, what are some of the things that we are lying about?  Sometimes when we lie, it is to spare hurting someone’s feelings.  Other times we lie to make ourselves look good, or as if we “have it altogether”, when we don’t.  When we enter the church doors on Sunday morning, and we are greeting other Sisters and Brothers in Christ, and they ask about our status, we are afraid to tell them “Okay” or “Not too Good at the Present moment”, or “I’m going through trials at the present moment, but I know that God is good.”  Forbid if we get real.  No, we have to say, “Really Good” or “Good”.  Or better yet, “ Fine.”

The last one was one of my favorites until I saw how jacked up that made me feel afterwards.  If I was not fine at the time, and I tried to outwardly act like I was happy go lucky, my emotional and mental state knew that something wasn’t matching up.  It would actually cause me to experience the trauma symptom of having dysregulated emotions and depression.  Go figure.  

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A few months after I started noticing that was happening, I read a psychology article stating that it makes your emotions harder to control when you do this.  Not that we should wallow in self-pity or anything, but when you think about it, we are one way, and trying to signal our emotions and body to do a quick 360 degree turnaround and be okay.  The answer is “No” to that one.

r emotions and body to do a quick 360 degree turnaround and be okay.  The answer is “No” to that one.

What else are we lying about?

We lie about our jobs, the kind of cars that we drive, our marital status, and whether we were at home when someone tried to reach us.

When we’re at work, and the ladies or men are in a huddle talking about their kids and their extracurricular activities, material possessions, or their socioeconomic statuses, we lie about ours.

When we are in our church small groups, we lie about our woundedness for fear that everybody else will have lighter sins and issues than us.  We don’t want to look “too broken”.  We have to look as close to Jesus “perfect” as possible.  When we lie and head to the perfection side of things, we actually cause someone else to miss their opportunity to know that they are not alone.  Not only that, we quench the Holy Spirit , and miss out on our blessing.

No matter where we are, we find ourselves lying about our intentions to others.  We come to them, telling them one thing.  However, our agenda is another.  In a lot of cases, the person that we are lying to is totally unaware of what is going on.  One thing about being actively in the pursuit of lying, there is always someone who witnesses what’s going on.  And if there isn’t what the other person doesn’t know, God knows.  And such is the situation that occurred with David.

David was on the run from Saul.  He was without food and weaponry.  He went to Ahimelek the priest and lied to him about his intentions. 

David at Nob

21 David went to Nob, to Ahimelek the priest. Ahimelek trembled when he met him, and asked, “Why are you alone? Why is no one with you?”

David answered Ahimelek the priest, “The king sent me on a mission and said to me, ‘No one is to know anything about the mission I am sending you on.’ As for my men, I have told them to meet me at a certain place. Now then, what do you have on hand? Give me five loaves of bread, or whatever you can find.”

But the priest answered David, “I don’t have any ordinary bread on hand; however, there is some consecrated bread here—provided the men have kept themselves from women.”

David replied, “Indeed women have been kept from us, as usual whenever I set out. The men’s bodies are holy even on missions that are not holy. How much more so today!” So the priest gave him the consecrated bread, since there was no bread there except the bread of the Presence that had been removed from before the Lord and replaced by hot bread on the day it was taken away.

Now one of Saul’s servants was there that day, detained before the Lord; he was Doeg the Edomite, Saul’s chief shepherd.

David asked Ahimelek, “Don’t you have a spear or a sword here? I haven’t brought my sword or any other weapon, because the king’s mission was urgent.”

The priest replied, “The sword of Goliath the Philistine, whom you killed in the Valley of Elah, is here; it is wrapped in a cloth behind the ephod. If you want it, take it; there is no sword here but that one.”

David said, “There is none like it; give it to me.”

David made the assumption that lying to Ahimelek would prevent Ahimelek from getting in the crossfire of Saul’s hunt for David’s life.  What David didn’t anticipate was the fact that Saul’s right-hand man, Doeg, the Edomite, would be hanging around Nob, witnessing the whole transaction that occurred between him and Ahimelek.  Therefore, Doeg was going to give Saul the report according to his perception of what he saw. 

David underestimated the demonic forces that he was dealing with.  If Saul was willing to kill his own son, what would he do to someone who wasn’t? So, what ended up happening?  Just as we are thinking, Doeg tricked on David.  Basically, he said something like this, “Saul, guess who I saw over in Nob, getting Ahimelek’s blessing?”

Here is the scripture of how it played out: 

Saul Kills the Priests of Nob

Now Saul heard that David and his men had been discovered. And Saul was seated, spear in hand, under the tamarisk tree on the hill at Gibeah, with all his officials standing at his side. He said to them, “Listen, men of Benjamin! Will the son of Jesse give all of you fields and vineyards? Will he make all of you commanders of thousands and commanders of hundreds? Is that why you have all conspired against me? No one tells me when my son makes a covenant with the son of Jesse. None of you is concerned about me or tells me that my son has incited my servant to lie in wait for me, as he does today.”

But Doeg the Edomite, who was standing with Saul’s officials, said, “I saw the son of Jesse come to Ahimelek son of Ahitub at Nob. 10 Ahimelek inquired of the Lord for him; he also gave him provisions and the swordof Goliath the Philistine.”

11 Then the king sent for the priest Ahimelek son of Ahitub and all the men of his family, who were the priests at Nob, and they all came to the king. 12 Saul said, “Listen now, son of Ahitub.”

“Yes, my lord,” he answered.

13 Saul said to him, “Why have you conspired against me, you and the son of Jesse, giving him bread and a sword and inquiring of God for him, so that he has rebelled against me and lies in wait for me, as he does today?”

14 Ahimelek answered the king, “Who of all your servants is as loyal as David, the king’s son-in-law, captain of your bodyguard and highly respected in your household? 15 Was that day the first time I inquired of God for him? Of course not! Let not the king accuse your servant or any of his father’s family, for your servant knows nothing at all about this whole affair.”

16 But the king said, “You will surely die, Ahimelek, you and your whole family.”

17 Then the king ordered the guards at his side: “Turn and kill the priests of the Lord, because they too have sided with David. They knew he was fleeing, yet they did not tell me.”

But the king’s officials were unwilling to raise a hand to strike the priests of the Lord.

18 The king then ordered Doeg, “You turn and strike down the priests.”So Doeg the Edomite turned and struck them down. That day he killed eighty-five men who wore the linen ephod. 19 He also put to the swordNob, the town of the priests, with its men and women, its children and infants, and its cattle, donkeys and sheep.

20 But one son of Ahimelek son of Ahitub, named Abiathar, escaped and fled to join David. 21 He told David that Saul had killed the priests of the Lord. 22 Then David said to Abiathar, “That day, when Doeg the Edomite was there, I knew he would be sure to tell Saul. I am responsible for the death of your whole family. 23 Stay with me; don’t be afraid. The man who wants to kill you is trying to kill me too. You will be safe with me.”

 David’s lying caused Ahimilek, and all of his household, except for one, and all the other priests of Nob to be killed. 

Stewardship Lying

The last thing that I want to talk about are the lies we tell about our stewardship.  When we find out others are giving more money than we are, we tend to lie about how much we are giving.  When it comes to lying about stewardship, we are lying to God, not men.

If we were able to, we would go back in time and ask Ananias and Sapphira about this.  The Christians over in the book of Acts were on fire after being filled with the Holy Ghost.  They operated on “one accord” at the time.  If there were any brethren in need, they would sell their additional land, and then offer it up to the disciples.  No one was without.  Ananias and Sapphira sold some of their land. Their desire was to keep back of the money for themselves.  They could have expressed this to the disciples, but they didn’t.  Selling your land was an act of the heart and will.  It wasn’t a force situation.

The thing is, they wanted to appear super generous like everyone else.  Unfortunately, their lies caught up with them, and then cost both of them their lives:

Ananias and Sapphira

Now a man named Ananias, together with his wife Sapphira, also sold a piece of property. With his wife’s full knowledge he kept back part of the money for himself, but brought the rest and put it at the apostles’ feet.

Then Peter said, “Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land? Didn’t it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn’t the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied just to human beings but to God.”

When Ananias heard this, he fell down and died. And great fear seized all who heard what had happened. Then some young men came forward, wrapped up his body, and carried him out and buried him.

About three hours later his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. Peter asked her, “Tell me, is this the price you and Ananias got for the land?”

“Yes,” she said, “that is the price.”

Peter said to her, “How could you conspire to test the Spirit of the Lord? Listen! The feet of the men who buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out also.”

10 At that moment she fell down at his feet and died. Then the young men came in and, finding her dead, carried her out and buried her beside her husband. 11 Great fear seized the whole church and all who heard about these events.

And so, the question that I will leave you with is this, “What “little white lie” are we telling that could heap disastrous results?

Thank you for listening to another episode of Healing Our Brokenness.

Episode 19: Anxiety!

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Episode 19: Anxiety!
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Anxiety is something that we will all face in life. The causes of anxiety and the solutions for dealing with this common problem will vary from person to person. Listen in to Episode 19 as I discuss this topic.

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Episode 19: Podcast Outline

  • Introduction
  • Normal Anxiety
  • Clinical Anxiety
  • Trying to be Sovereign Anxiety
  • Self-Inflicted Anxiety
  • Trauma-Induced
  • David on Anxiety
  • Solutions for Anxiety

Good morning!  Welcome to Valley of Grace’s Healing Our Brokenness podcast.  Today, you are listening to Episode 19: Anxiety! 

Introduction

Picture this scene:  I was in 7th grade, and at the time, I enjoyed competing in oratorical contests for fun.  However, because my mother was a single parent, and had to work, she was never able to come to see me compete.  I should have been grateful that she was working.  However, I got caught up on her being there.  She finally decided to come.  However, she forgot to forewarn me.  I was on the stage, and she waved to show me that she was there, and my mind went blank after the first two lines.  I could hear my words trembling, and feel my whole body shaking intensely.  She hadn’t done anything wrong, but my lack of preparedness for her coming totally threw me for a loop.

Normal Anxiety

When we hear the word anxiety, all kinds of thoughts come to mind.  Anxiety is normal in certain cases.  For example, recently I was waiting for the test results from a mammogram, and as I was listening to the person on the phone, I became anxious as I proposed what her words would be and how I would react to them.  Anxiety can sneak upon us as we get ready to take a quiz, and it can cause us to forget everything that we were going to say. 

Hereditary Anxiety

Anxiety can be debilitating.  This type can often be hereditary and would fall under the column of anxiety disorder.  That means that if our grandparents and parents have suffered from anxiety disorder, then it is a high chance that we could be dealing with the same issue.  When we suffer from this kind of anxiety, it is something that we had no control over. 

Trying to be Sovereign Anxiety

There is, however, another kind of anxiety that I am going to discuss.  This type of anxiety is from the things that we place on ourselves.  Examples of this is trying to fix problems that we don’t have control over.  We try to control our adult children and the mistakes that they make in their lives. There is a desire to control whether or not people will accept or reject our uniqueness. 

We try to control whether the job that we have had for over 15 years will be the job that we retire from. Do you control the discipline that God gives to a family or friend in regard to their sin, and in the process, we began to enable the individual?  When we try so hard to control, it only makes us more out of control.  This eagerness to control creates an addiction within itself.  This is what the devil doesn’t tell us.  We don’t know until it’s too late.

Self-Inflicted Anxiety

Another type of anxiety that we place on ourselves is that of making changes for the sake of coming out of vicious cycles.  For example:  Stacy notices that she has an anxiety attack every morning in regard to getting out the door and getting to work.  Reasoning:  Every morning Stacy stays in bed until 30 minutes before it’s time to leave to go to work.  She has to rush to put makeup on, get her breakfast, and pack her lunch.  Stacy knows what is behind this problem, but she fails to make the changes.  Stacy is self-sabotaging.

Scheduling is another type of self-inflicted anxiety.  This is the area that I am guilty of, and starting to make progress in.  We pile as much as we can into a given day.  The more things we keep adding to that list, the more things will be added to our list of anxiety about.  The first thing that we don’t consider is exactly how long it will take to get each thing done.  There are only so many hours in the day. 

If we work outside the home, those hours are shortened.  Unless we are God, there is no way that we can get all those things done, but we try.  Sometimes it is possible to get those things done, but we have used this time up on social media, or doing a little bit too much relaxing, only to start the vicious cycle all about again.

Trauma-Induced Anxiety

The last type of anxiety that I would like to discuss is that of trauma-induced anxiety.  Unfortunately, this kind is one that I am very familiar with.  One kind of trauma anxiety is created from having to be in hypervigilant mode all the time.  The other part of trauma anxiety that I have noticed for myself is that I might have a flashback or a trigger of something. 

Then, what happens is that my mind may start to think about the details and feelings that this event caused.  I push the thought away, thinking that maybe it is unimportant, only to realize later when it resurfaces, and continues to occupy my emotional and mental space, that it is something that I need to deal with.  However, since trauma wants to be in control, it will cause you to start self-protecting, and then rationalizing why you shouldn’t talk about this thing. 

You think you’ve somehow outsmarted trauma, but it outsmarts you because when this event keeps coming up, it usually causes anxiety to go from 0 to 1000 in your body, while the flashbacks are occurring, and what you don’t realize is that avoidance of discussion of this event is keeping the physical energy in your body, and delaying the healing at the same time. 

I learned this the hard way when I tried avoiding talking about seeing my father abuse my mother in our apartment as a kid.  I kept delaying and delaying, scratching off on my therapy notes, and saying, “Nope, not this week!”  Weeks turned into months, and then finally when I couldn’t take it any longer and started feeling the impulse of swinging and punching at its peak, I did the best thing that I could do.  I talked about it with my therapist.  It got worse before it got better.

Now, when those feelings come up, I pretend like I am kickboxing in order to release the energy from my body.  Before discussing this event with my therapist, I would zone into worship music to calm the impulses.  What I didn’t realize is that the energy needs to leave your body.

We ask God to help us with all kinds of things.  However, we forget to ask him to help us with anxiety, and to get to the root.  In Psalms 139 David reminds us about how God knows everything.  We can’t hide anything from him.  His presence follows us.

Psalm 139 Amplified Bible (AMP)

God’s Omnipresence and Omniscience.

To the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David.

139 O Lord, you have searched me [thoroughly] and have known me.

You know when I sit down and when I rise up [my entire life, everything I do];
You understand my thought from afar.

You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
And You are intimately acquainted with all my ways.

Even before there is a word on my tongue [still unspoken],
Behold, O Lord, You know it all.

You have enclosed me behind and before,
And [You have] placed Your hand upon me.

Such [infinite] knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high [above me], I cannot reach it.


Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?

If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol (the nether world, the place of the dead), behold, You are there.

If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
10 
Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will take hold of me.
11 
If I say, “Surely the darkness will cover me,
And the night will be the only light around me,”
12 
Even the darkness is not dark to You and conceals nothing from You,
But the night shines as bright as the day;
Darkness and light are alike to You.

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13 
For You formed my innermost parts;
You knit me [together] in my mother’s womb.
14 
I will give thanks and praise to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
15 
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was being formed in secret,
And intricately and skillfully formed [as if embroidered with many colors] in the depths of the earth.
16 
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were appointed for me,
When as yet there was not one of them [even taking shape].

17 
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 
If I could count them, they would outnumber the sand.
When I awake, I am still with You.

19 
[a]O that You would kill the wicked, O God;
Go away from me, therefore, men of bloodshed.
20 
For they speak against You wickedly,
Your enemies take Your name in vain.
21 
Do I not hate those who hate You, O Lord?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
22 
I hate them with perfect and utmost hatred;
They have become my enemies.

23 
Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart;
Test me and know my anxious thoughts;
24 
And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.

What are some helpful ways to reduce anxiety?

  • Taking a deep breath in and out
  • Meditating on worship music
  • Prayer
  • Exercise
  • Therapy
  • Sometimes medicine, along with everything lifted above.

I pray that you have heard something here today that has been helpful.

God bless!

For last podcast episode, click here.