Missing the Message

missing the message, video, katina horton, blog, podcaster, simple functional grace-filled living, valley of grace, rushing, anxiety, pausing, self-care
missing the message, video, katina horton, blog, podcaster, simple functional grace-filled living, valley of grace, rushing, anxiety, pausing, self-care
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When did you find yourself “missing the message” because you were in a rush? How did it make you feel? What happens when you slow down so that you can take in what seems to be the smallest of moments? These missed messages can be God’s time with us if we allow him the opportunity.

God bless!

Katina

missing the message, video, katina horton, blog, podcaster, simple functional grace-filled living, valley of grace, rushing, anxiety, pausing, self-care
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Episode 38: Grace and Truth

katina horton, psychology, emotional health, mental health, physical health, healing our brokenness, boundaries, legalism, wanting to be right, valley of grace, simple functional grace-filled living

Episode 38: Grace and Truth
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Would you consider yourself a person of grace and truth, or a person of just truth? What is the difference? Find out by listening to today’s podcast to see what happens when we have one without the other. Remember to catch up on last week’s episode here first.

Grace and Truth Podcast Outline

katina horton, psychology, emotional health, mental health, physical health, healing our brokenness, boundaries, legalism, wanting to be right, valley of grace, simple functional grace-filled living
Photo by Pegleess Barrios
  • Dissection on Relationships
  • Applying Grace
  • Applying Truth
  • The Marriage of Grace and Truth

Scripture Focus:

Ephesians 4: 14-15

John 8: 32

Relationships are hard.  It doesn’t matter whether it’s family, friends, or coworkers, it can be challenging.  One thing about relationships is that they require time, energy, grace, and love.  When disagreements arise, and they will, we can be so intent on wanting to be right, that we can damage the relationship even more. 

God tells us in his word:  “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32, NLT) We shouldn’t be foolish, and pretend that the truth doesn’t matter. When we ignore the truth, we train our minds and bodies to slowly downplay the cues they tell us that signify something is wrong.  Only applying the truth can also bring in legalism.  Because God gives us grace, we are able to extend grace to others.  Only applying grace without truth and boundaries leads to being taken advantage of, an out of control situation, and the other person constantly pressing the envelope to see how far they can go.  “Then we will no longer be infants, tossed about by the waves and carried around by every wind of teaching and by the clever cunning of men in their deceitful scheming.  Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into Christ Himself, who is the head.” (Ephesians 4:14-15, BSB)

There are individuals in my own life who have hurt me dearly.  I cannot ignore the revelation of truth that healing has brought me.  At the same time, if I focused only on the truth of these situations, it would make my heart bitter.  The truth is, we are all broken individuals, and since we are all broken individuals, we all have sin in our lives.  If it weren’t for God’s mercy in eliminating certain people and things from my life, I could very well have gone down that path.  Offering grace and truth to people doesn’t mean restoration of the relationship.  It could mean grieving what is no longer there, acceptance, and the ability to move on.

Dear God,

We thank you for the relationships that you have blessed us with.  We pray that you would give us discernment when it comes to applying grace and truth in difficult situations.  Please help us to understand that we are all broken individuals in need of a Savior.

In Your name we pray,

Amen

Reunion

Katina Horton, Valley of Grace, Simple functional grace-filled living, healing, reunion, estrangement, Joseph, Potiphar, grace, prison, dreams, dreamer, blog, blogger, blogging

Do you have family members that you have been estranged or separated from? Never underestimate the power of God to allow a reunion as God did with Joseph and his brothers. We can let God do the work as we pray for willing and open hearts. “Reunion” is the story of the reunion of Joseph and his brothers. God bless!

Katina Horton, Valley of Grace, Simple functional grace-filled living, healing, reunion, estrangement, Joseph, Potiphar, grace, prison, dreams, dreamer, blog, blogger, blogging
Photo by Samantha Hurley

They left me for dead,

But sold me instead.

Endured being in chains,

As favor surely reigned.

Became second in command,

Till the wife wanted my hand.

In charge of the prison.

NO Release.

Just indecision.

Till the king had his dream.

God revealed all the means.

Gave God all the credit.

My life story took an edit.

Then my brothers showed up in hunger.

Couldn’t take it any longer.

Told all servants to leave the room.

As I cried out deep in gloom.

Hugged them deep and cried out long.

Filled our souls and showed up strong.

The reunion wasn’t expected.

But God’s grace had it protected.

Related Poetry: Coat of Favor

Genesis 39: The Story of Joseph

Episode 37: One Bad Apple

Samuel, bad apple, one bad apple, apples, fruit, internalization, psychology, emotional health, mental health, spiritual health, choosing friends, healing our brokenness, valley of grace, simple functional grace-filled living, katina horton

Episode 37: One Bad Apple
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In case you missed my last podcast episode, you can grab it here.

One Bad Apple Podcast Outline

Samuel, bad apple, one bad apple, apples, fruit, internalization, psychology, emotional health, mental health, spiritual health, choosing friends, healing our brokenness, valley of grace, simple functional grace-filled living, katina horton
Photo by Matthew Henry
  • Influence of Others
  • Godly Influence
  • Internalizing Things
  • Samuel’s Experience
  • Scripture Focus:

Galatians 6

1 Samuel 16

Researchers state that it takes one “bad” person to ruin five good people. Remember the figure of speech that you were lectured on as a kid when it came time to picking your friends: “One bad apple ruins the whole bunch.” We got tired of hearing our parents and other adults say it, but what they were saying was basically synonymous with Galatians 5:9: “A little leaven leaveneth the whole lump.” (KJV) Whether we are kids or adults, we must be careful of the company that we keep.

When we hang out with our friends, coworkers, family members, etc, it just becomes natural to start saying some of the things that they say. This is what happens when we are in relationship with anyone. Just as when we are reading God’s Word, and in relationship with him, our thoughts and behaviors will reflect that relationship.

However, if you are like me, where everything that is heard on tv, radio, and by mouth is internalized and leaks into your emotional, mental, and spiritual space, then you’ll find that you must be extra careful. Why? When we least expect it, words that are not our own start entering our mind.

And if we’re not careful, they are coming out of our mouths. I have found myself rebuking Satan many a day when this happens. I will never forget when one of my friends said that

she told her son to be careful with what he allows to come in from other people, because 1) it will go into our minds, 2) it will go into our hearts, and 3) it will come out of our mouths.

Dear God,

Thank you for giving us the gift of relationship. Please help us in using discernment in these relationships, as well as being self-aware of how we operate, so that we don’t fall prey to the devil.

In your name we pray,

Amen

Episode 35: The Value of Prayer

prayer, value, the value of prayer, healing, healing our brokenness, Jesus praying, valley of grace, simple functional grace-filled living, katina horton, podcast, podcasting

Episode 35: The Value of Prayer
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In case you missed our last episode on surrendering, you can find it here. Today’s episode is Episode 35: The Value of Prayer. What are some of the things that you value in life? Why do you value them? Have you ever thought about prayer having value? Tune in to our latest episode to find out why prayer should be at the top of our list.

The Value of Prayer Podcast Outline

  • Necessity of Prayer
  • Examples of Prayer
  • Praying for Our Children
  • The Act of Praying Over Food
  • We Can Pray Alone
  • Podcast Transcript

Welcome to Healing Our Brokenness. Today’s episode is entitled, “The Value of Prayer”.

prayer, value, the value of prayer, healing, healing our brokenness, Jesus praying, valley of grace, simple functional grace-filled living, katina horton, podcast, podcasting
Photo by Brodie Vissers

Value of Prayer

Prayer is necessary in developing our relationship with God.  Sometimes the hardest part about doing anything, including prayer is getting started.  Satan fills our hearts with so many excuses as to why we aren’t doing something, when the bottom line is that once we are willing to start, God can give us the desire, strength, and perseverance to finish: “For I am confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will continue to perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.   (Philippians 1:6, BSB)  Jesus’ prayer life was a perfect example of the who, what, when, where and how’s of praying. 

Luke gives us an account of the impact placed on one of Jesus’ disciples from watching him pray, and witnessing John teaching his disciples.  He wanted in on this action:  “Now Jesus was praying in a certain place, and when he finished, one of his disciples said to him, “Lord, teach us to pray, as John taught his disciples.  And he said to them, “When you pray, say: “Father, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come. “(Luke 11:1-2, ESV) When we pray with earnest hearts and conviction, it rubs off on other people, and they want what we have.

Jesus showed us how to pray for our children:  “Then people brought little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked them.  Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there.” (Matthew 19:13-15, NIV)

When our children are little, there are so many ways that we can pray for and with them.  We can place them on our laps and pray for them, and as they get older, we can pray for them even as they are sleeping.  Sometimes I have found myself praying with my kids before they leave out the door on the way to school, or as we are literally pulling out of the driveway to begin our day.  There is no better example of showing that there are no restrictions when telling our children about God, his goodness, and his Word than in Deuteronomy 11: 19-21:  “You shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, that your days and the days of your children may be multiplied in the land of which the Lord swore to your fathers to give them, like the days of the heavens above the earth.”(NKJV)

Jesus showed us how to pray over and give thanks for our food.  He showed us that even though he was the one distributing the food, the fact that he had it to give himself was God’s grace:  “After he said this, he took some bread and gave thanks to God in front of them all. Then he broke it and began to eat.” (Acts 27:35, NIV) 

The two fish and five loaves of bread multiplied after he said the blessing.  This was a pure reenactment of the story of Elijah and the widow at Zarephath.  Jesus showed us the results of what the power of praying and trusting in God with the little we have can do:   “And he directed the people to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the people. They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over. The number of those who ate was about five thousand men, besides women and children.  (Matthew 14: 19-21, NIV)

Jesus showed us the importance and power of praying with others.  Luke 9:28 tells us, “About eight days after Jesus said this, he took Peter, John and James with him and went up onto a mountain to pray.”(NIV)  There is something about experiencing the presence of the Holy Spirt as we pray with others.

Jesus also showed us the importance of praying alone: “After dismissing the crowds, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray. When evening came, He was there alone.”  (Matthew 14: 23, Holman)  In order to avoid suffering burnout and spiritual emptiness, there is a need for us to pour into ourselves before we can pour into others.  Once we are filled up, we are ready to go out and serve.

Dear Father,

We thank you for your grace and power of prayer.  Please help us to remember that prayer reaches the doors of heaven, and changes things.  We also ask that you would help us to get into the habit of developing a routine for prayer, whether it is by ourselves or with others. 

In your name we pray,

Amen

Thank you for visiting Healing Our Brokenness, and if this episode has blessed you in any way, please tag a friend on Social Media, share it, review it on Itunes, and pray for the show as well.

Until next time,

Blessings!

Episode 34: Surrender

Surrender, emotional health, episode 34: surrender, mental health, psychology, healing our brokenness, podcast, podcaster, katina horton, simple functional grace-filled living, valley of grace

Episode 34: Surrender
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In case you missed last week’s episode, “Episode 33: Praying During Desperate Times”, you can find that episode here. Today’s episode, “Episode 34: Surrender”, is covering the topic of surrender.

Episode 34: Surrender Podcast Outline

  • What is surrender?
  • What does surrender look like?
  • How I Am Learning to Surrender
  • Podcast Transcript

Surrender

When you think of surrender, you think of yielding, giving up control, crying “Uncle”, giving in, waving the flag. Surrender has a negative connotation, but it can have a positive outcome when it’s done in the proper context.

If we had the choice, there are some trials that we just wouldn’t sign up for.  However, God gives us these trials in order to refine us like gold.  These trials will show that our faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold: So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.  (1 Peter 1:7, NLT)

Surrender, emotional health, episode 34: surrender, mental health, psychology, healing our brokenness, podcast, podcaster, katina horton, simple functional grace-filled living, valley of grace
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One of the worst things that we can do is to think that we have it all under control.  The devil tricks us into thinking that we can fix problems on our own, and that we just have to figure out the right plan, or perhaps we just didn’t do something “enough”. A very tender spot for any mother’s heart is their children.  Oh, how I wish that I could take away the pain and effects from trauma that my kids have endured over the last five years.  However, this isn’t possible. No matter how old they are, our kids’ issues stay on our hearts.  However, if we don’t surrender these very issues to God, then we find ourselves emotionally, mentally, and spiritually drained.  Of course, because of the mind-body connection, these issues then takes a turn on the fourth area: physical.  They can literally eat us alive with immobility and heaviness of heart.  I have just recently had my moment of realizing that my kids will have to have their own journey of healing.  I can support them.  However, I can’t take on the responsibility of doing the work for them.  It hinders them from growth, and the ability to get clarity on their own. 

Surrender is not a once in a lifetime thing.  If only it was that easy.  It is daily.  In Luke 9: 23, Christ tells us:   “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. (ESV)  Focusing on God and his promises helps us in this journey called life.

Dear God,

Thank you for the shining beauty that comes from our trials when we are refined.  Thank you that we can take all of our burdens and our kids’ burdens and lay them down at your feet.  Please help us to understand that surrender is a daily thing, and that we have to put our trust in you.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen

Episode 24: Hurting People

healing, brokenness, emotional health, psychology, mental health, hurting people, author, blogger, blog, podcast, podcaster, katina horton, valley of grace, intentional, unintentional, David, Ziklag, Amalekites

Episode 24: Hurting People
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Hello everyone!  I hope that you enjoyed your Resurrection weekend!  In case you missed the last podcast episode, you can click here to catch up.

Hurting People Podcast Outline

  • Introduction
  • Hurting People Hurt Unintentionally
  • Hurting People Hurt Intentionally
  • David and His Hurting Men
  • How to Stop the Cycle
  • Podcast Transcript

healing, brokenness, emotional health, psychology, mental health, hurting people, author, blogger, blog, podcast, podcaster, katina horton, valley of grace, intentional, unintentional, David, Ziklag, Amalekites
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Good morning!  Welcome to Healing Our Brokenness Episode 24: Hurting People.  We have all heard of the phrase “Hurting People Hurt People”.  While some of us may not like the phrase itself, it is the truth.  God gives us freedom in truth.  We are all broken.  We live in a broken, fallen world.  Because we are broken, until we mend and glue together the broken pieces of the puzzle to our family’s iniquities, we will continue to intentionally and unintentionally hurt others.

Unintentional Hurting

We unintentionally hurt others when we live with unhealed brokenness from the wounds of our past, sin, pain, and pride.  Our unhealed wounds bleed out onto our immediate and extended families, coworkers, and Sisters and Brothers in Christ.  A lot of times, when we are broken, we become so self-absorbed in our own pain and wounds, that we don’t even notice that other people are going through things themselves.

We make vows that we will never be like our family member or other person who inflicted pain upon us.  However, if we are not going through some form of healing, whether it’s seeing a therapist, coach, or seeking self-help through books, we end up being just like them.  Our kids start learning dysfunctional patterns of behavior and coping mechanisms for pain.  We hurt them with our pain, and then they learn how to live their adult lives by what they see us doing.  We continue to pass down this vicious cycle.

My Family’s Pain

Upon moving to my last residence, my kids and I had suffered so much trauma.  And it wasn’t just that we had suffered trauma.  We were trauma bonded through some of the events that had taken place.  Because we were all dealing with an extreme amount of pain, initially we could only see ourselves as the ones who were the victim.    Each one of us blamed the other person and put on the persona of being innocent.  In actuality, each one of us had hurt each other unintentionally.  We were blind to the truth.

Before moving from my last residence, I began taking serious steps of dealing with the trauma that I had endured in my life.  Not only did I begin to deal with it, but I learned how to be vulnerable.  And I had to learn the difference between vulnerability and surface vulnerability.  When surface vulnerability occurs, you tell stay on the surface, only telling people what you think they want to hear so that you don’t look like the “broken one”.

Intentional Hurting

When we intentionally hurt others, we make sure that other people are going to pay for what someone else did to us.  If we were invalidated, then we make sure that everybody else is constantly invalidated.  If were abused, then we abuse.  If we were judged and criticized, then we make it our mission to judge and criticize others.  If our beef is with something that another male or female did, then every male and female will have to pay.  We turn into bashers.

Application

For example, I was watching a television show, and on the show, one lady was trying to run a smear campaign on her former brother-in-law because he had operated on her sister, who had cancer and died.  It had been discovered that negligence hadn’t taken place.  However, she kept making her point that he would pay for what he had done.

Another female character told her that making her former brother-in-law pay for her sister’s death wasn’t going to bring her sister back.  She had wounds that she needed to heal.  She had pain that she needed to deal with.  Blame blinds us to facing the truth that we are hurting.  Blame works as a comfort pacifier and prevents us from seeing what the real problem is.  Making others pay definitely doesn’t change the truth.  It doesn’t right what was wronged.  It doesn’t stop our hearts and souls from bleeding out.  It only makes matters worse.

David and his men had been out on a mission.  They returned to Ziklag, only to find it burned, raided, and the women and children taken captive.  They were all in such pain, that they almost killed David.  Killing David would have only provided temporary relief.  At the end of the day, whatever we use to numb our pain will only be temporary.  Our problems are still there.  We have only added to the depth of them.

Let’s listen to the story in 1 Samuel 30:

 

“1 Samuel 30 New International Version (NIV)

David Destroys the Amalekites

30 David and his men reached Ziklag on the third day. Now the Amalekites had raided the Negev and Ziklag. They had attacked Ziklag and burned it, and had taken captive the women and everyone else in it, both young and old. They killed none of them but carried them off as they went on their way.

When David and his men reached Ziklag, they found it destroyed by fire and their wives and sons and daughters taken captive. So David and his men wept aloud until they had no strength left to weep. David’s two wives had been captured—Ahinoam of Jezreel and Abigail, the widow of Nabal of Carmel. David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters. But David found strength in the Lord his God.

Then David said to Abiathar the priest, the son of Ahimelek, “Bring me the ephod.” Abiathar brought it to him, and David inquired of the Lord, “Shall I pursue this raiding party? Will I overtake them?”

“Pursue them,” he answered. “You will certainly overtake them and succeed in the rescue.”

 

How to Stop the Cycle

 

  • When we are in pain, we take out hurt and hearts to Jesus.  He is the only one who can help us to sort through the mess of our past.
  • Take responsibility and sign up for therapy and support group where we can be held accountable.
  • Refuse to give in to the enemy’s plan to isolate ourselves.
  • Listen to good preaching.
  • Read self-help books.
  • We are intentional about not making ourselves targets for the spirits of self-pity and blame.
  • Pray and ask others for forgiveness and patience as we wrestle through the pain and wounds of our past.

 

Thank you for listening to Episode 24: Hurting People!  Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Episode 23: Sabotaging Our Healing

sabotaging our healing, brokenness, psychology, emotional health, psychological health, spiritual health, character development, trauma, ptsd, podcaster, katina horton, author, podcasting, simple functional grace-filled living, valley of grace, broken pieces, Teachable Course

Episode 23: Sabotaging Our Healing
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Sabotaging Our Healing Podcast Outline

  • Sabotage Our Healing with Busyness and Instability
  • Sabotaging Our Healing by Allowing Shame and Perception Of Others to Reign
  • Sabotaging Our Healing by Surrounding Ourselves with Clutter
  • Lastly, we Sabotage Our Healing by Refusing to Do What We’re Told
  • Podcast Transcript

Good morning!  Welcome to Healing Our Brokenness.  And today we are recording Episode 23:  Sabotaging Our Healing.  When we think of the word sabotage, it suggests the following: “getting in the way, damaging, intentionally interrupting, preventing something from taking place.  When we think of sabotaging our healing, it means that we are harming or preventing ourselves from healing.  Since the rewards of healing is astronomical, why would we want to prevent ourselves from doing it?  There are several reasons why:

  • We’re afraid to face the pain.
  • We don’t want the work.
  • We don’t want to use our free time to do it.
  • We really don’t want to be free because we have been in bondage for so long, and so, the bondage that we know is better than the freedom that we don’t.

sabotaging our healing, brokenness, psychology, emotional health, psychological health, spiritual health, character development, trauma, ptsd, podcaster, katina horton, author, podcasting, simple functional grace-filled living, valley of grace, broken pieces, Teachable Course
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There are several ways that we sabotage our healing:

 

  1. Sabotage Our Healing with Busyness and Instability- We will fill our days up from morning till night being busy so that we don’t have to sit long enough to feel.  If we work outside the home, we spend hours shopping after work before going home.  If we work inside the home, we make sure that we are busy from morning to night.  We think that we can outsmart our mind and emotions.  I have been guilty of doing this one myself.  What I noticed is that one of three things usually happen.

Situation 1:  When we finally lay down to go to bed, our minds are going 100 mph with anxiety.  We start going over all the things that we did during the day.  The feelings start coming up.  Our past starts knocking on our door.  Unhealed brokenness starts bleeding out.  Obtrusive thoughts start settling in.  Then, we end up not being able to go to sleep for several hours because our minds are trying to process everything that we didn’t allow it to process during the day.  Several days of this can turn into weeks, and then weeks into months.  And if we didn’t have trauma before, there is definitely a chance of developing it then.  We can only go so many days like this.  Our bodies can’t sustain this lifestyle without breaking down.

Situation 2:  We conk out as soon as our heads hit the pillow.  Because we haven’t processed anything, we are running on empty in every area.  We keep putting off dealing with certain things until they are a must.  And when we have to deal with it, we end up shutting down, or having a complete emotional meltdown/tantrum.  This can play out at work, school, home, church wherever.

When we are on emotional and mental overload, there is no way to control when and where it will come out.  Even now, I have to remind myself to take a break from work and give myself thirty minutes to lay down and think about nothing.  This became an issue for me after the trauma that occurred within the last seven years.  Believe it or not, as soon as I begin to relax, I can feel emotions coming up.  I also like to have reflection time in the morning when I wake up.  If I am in a rush and have to leave out an emotional mess from backed up grief, my emotions only intensify as the day goes on.

Situation 3:  We become consistently inconsistent at everything.  Lack of structure gets in the way of our healing.  When we are all over the place, our minds are all over the place, and then our lives and relationships are all over the place.

 

  1. Sabotaging Our Healing by Allowing Shame and Perception Of Others to Reign-This is also one that I am guilty of having to watch myself. If I allow my brokenness of perfectionism and the shame that it’s friends with to kick in, I am more tempted to want to hold off sharing with my life-giving friends or therapist about what is going on now, or a situation that happened in the past.

 

I get caught up wondering what the person will think of me, how I will be perceived, and the list goes on and on.  I also get caught up in wondering whether or not I will possibly “lose it” and have an “ugly face” cry in front of others.  I have to remind myself that these are safe people, and if I cry, so what!  I ‘m human.  We’re all broken.  Satan will try whatever way that he can to discourage us from being vulnerable.  Vulnerability in a safe environment with time and space chips away the stone of shame.

 

  1. Sabotaging Our Healing by Surrounding Ourselves with Clutter-We fill up every knick and cranny of our homes and our cars with clutter.  It prevents us from being able to gain clarity about anything.  It prevents us from having structure and space to feel.  We also have problems making decisions because the clutter is serving as an emotional pacifier.  As soon as the clutter starts being lifted, then we can be tempted to go back again.  Our addictions take the place of feeling the hurt and pain that we are holding keeping at bay.  Being surrounded by excessive clutter takes the place of being able to dig into our feelings.  Therefore, we often go back to our addictions.  The pain becomes too much to bear.  And instead of pressing in, we press out to comfort.

 

  1. Lastly, we Sabotage Our Healing by Refusing to Do What We’re Told-If our therapists, coaches, friends, pastors, or others give us godly counsel in regard to our behavior, we have already come up with 50 excuses as to why we can’t begin to make changes.  We are intent on doing it the way that we want to do it.  However, nine times out of ten, our way isn’t going to work.  If it was, we would have started making changes.

 

Naaman went to see Elisha in order to be healed from leprosy.  He almost sabotaged his own healing because he didn’t want to do what he was told.  He wanted Elisha to come out and do a powerful healing ceremony.  He thought that he was “too good” to stoop to Elisha’s healing instructions.  Elisha instructed him to wash in the Jordan seven times.  He finally did it, with some prodding from his servant.  But, he definitely wasn’t happy about it.

2 Kings 5

So Naaman went with his horses and chariots and stopped at the door of Elisha’s house. 10 Elisha sent a messenger to say to him, “Go, wash yourself seven times in the Jordan, and your flesh will be restored and you will be cleansed.”

11 But Naaman went away angry and said, “I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the Lord his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy. 12 Are not Abana and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel? Couldn’t I wash in them and be cleansed?” So he turned and went off in a rage.

13 Naaman’s servants went to him and said, “My father, if the prophet had told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more, then, when he tells you, ‘Wash and be cleansed’!” 14 So he went down and dipped himself in the Jordan seven times, as the man of God had told him, and his flesh was restored and became clean like that of a young boy.

 

Naaman almost missed out on his healing because he wanted it “his way”.  What happens when we want things our way?  We miss out on everything God has to offer and more.  God uses wise people to lead us to make wise decisions.  However, he will not beg us to do our part.

 

So, what is the solution to combatting sabotage?  Desiring a life that thrives over a life of stagnancy.   No one can give us the desire and motivation to heal.  Unfortunately, there is no magic formula.  The comfort is that Jesus will be there with us in the fire.  We can teach our kids and leave a legacy behind that stops the generational sins of our fathers.

 

God bless!  Thanks for listening to Episode 23:  Sabotaging Our Healing

 

 

 

 

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If you are ready to heal from Trauma or Any Brokenness, and you are tired of the Sabotage Cycle, check out brokenpieces.teachable.com for Two Courses:  Broken Pieces:  From Survival Mode to the Life of Thriving & De-Clutter Your Home, De-Clutter Your Mind, and De-Clutter Your Life

 

Last podcast episode:

 

Opposition Against Your Calling

 

 

Episode 21: Approval Addiction

valley of grace, healing our brokenness, podcast, katina horton, podcaster, healing, brokenness, trauma, trials, ptsd

Episode 21: Approval Addiction
Healing Our Brokenness Podcast Seri...

 
 

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In case you missed our last podcast episode, you can catch that one here:

Podcast Episode 21: Approval Addiction Outline:

 

  • Dissecting Approval Addiction
  • Analyzing People-Pleasing
  • Perfectionism’s Trap
  • My Issues with Perfectionism
  • Moses’ Issues with People-Pleasing
  • Solutions
  • Podcast Transcript

 

approval addiction, podcaster, podcast, katina horton, mental health, spiritual health, physical health, energizer bunny, psychology, author, writer, poet, blogger, blogs, people-pleasing, perfectionism, simple functional grace-filled living, valley of grace, valley of grace blog, episode 21, season 2

Approval Addiction

Good afternoon!  Welcome to Episode 21:  Healing Our Brokenness.  Today’s Episode is entitled, “Approval Addiction”.

  • Dissecting Approval Addiction

Perfectionism and People pleasing are more acceptable words to say.  It sounds better and makes us feel better than to tell someone that we suffer from approval addiction.  Saying the words approval addiction makes us want to cringe.  However, the deeper issue of these two sins is the need for approval.  When it comes to the brokenness that occurs in our lives, either we tend to follow in the footsteps that this emotion caused, or we will do the exact opposite.  People pleasing and perfectionism stem from rejection.  If we are rejected, then the natural thing to do is to 1) disappear, or become invisible, or 2) to make sure that someone sees me.

  • Analyzing People-Pleasing

First of all, we will examine the sin of people pleasing.  When it comes to people pleasing, we are focusing on doing the things that people want us to do.  If it gets to the extreme, where we are so trying to keep everybody happy, that we have literally lost our own sense of self in the process, that’s when we get to the point of waking up one day, and then asking ourselves,  “Okay, what do I want?”

I have done everything that everyone else wanted me to do.  How do I live outside of this? For example, If there are 50 people in a room, and we took a survey to see how all fifty of these people thought that we should style our hair, we could possibly have anywhere between 20 to 50 answers.  What if we decided to follow their advice, we’d be going around just like the energizer bunny, worn out, and a tired, hot mess.  They would be happy, but we wouldn’t be because we have decided to forego being true to ourselves.  We have lost a sense of what we value and hold true to ourselves.

  • Perfectionism’s Trap

The next sin that we will examine is that of perfectionism.  I was abandoned by my dad at age 11.  I felt rejected.  Since my mom and dad were no longer together, and we were total opposites, and I had to have some kind of conclusion to come to in a child’s mind, then I felt rejected by her.  Thirdly, I had a situation where I stood outside of the Baptist church that I grew up in, and one teenager said to another, “Her mother is so beautiful.  I wonder what happened to her.”

To a teenage girl, this is devastating.  Mix it in with the fact that I already had double issues of rejection from my parents, as well as physical insecurities.  It rocked my world.  I internalized what was said.  And then, I was setup on the course for dating and then marrying my ex-husband, who had his only brokenness of being controlling, manipulative, emotionally abusive, serial cheating, and the list goes on.  I endured a 20-year marriage of this.  And the question is, since I had grounds for divorce, why did I stay so long?

  • My Issues with Perfectionism

The above two reasons that I mentioned:  extreme insecurities about my appearance and the three-part rejection issue.  He was able to keep me in his back pocket so long because of my low-self worth.  And, unfortunately, in my brokenness, I allowed it.  It wasn’t until about three years ago that I got to the root of my perfectionism/approval addiction issues.

God was gracious and merciful at the time.  Secondly, he showed me how it played out.  I was the rule follower.  The “good girl” in grammar school and high school.  Katina didn’t get into trouble.  My perfection played out in winning spelling bees, high grades in school, and performing in oratorical contests.  I loved doing all these things.  However, there was also recognition for doing all these things.  Instead of choosing to become invisible, I chose to be seen.

Because of my ex-husband’s brokenness, he pretended like all I had to do was a few things and we would get back to the way that things were.  What I didn’t know in the beginning is that I could do 50 things, or 1000 things, and the relationship was never going back to the beginning.  I had been love-bombed, gaslight, devalued, and being groomed for discard unfortunately.

Perfectionism went from one area of my life to every area as I tried to fix him and give structure and control an out-of-control person.  Who was I fooling?  There was a two-way street going.  I was on a mission to the fixing what he needed, and I took the devil’s bait of getting my self-worth from him instead of God.  We will never be filled by another individual in an area that only God can fill.   And if you are dealing with someone with his type of brokenness, they will just keep adding to the list, making you think, “if only you do this”.  Trust me, it will never happen.

  • Moses’ Issues with People-Pleasing

Moses had the same setup from the Israelites.  He led the

people out of Egypt as God had told him, but then all of the

needy people were coming to him for everything. 

Here is the scripture taken from Exodus 18: 

Jethro’s Advice

“18 Jethro, the priest of Midian, Moses’ father-in-law, heard of all that God had done for Moses and for Israel his people, how the Lord had brought Israel out of Egypt. Now Jethro, Moses’ father-in-law, had taken Zipporah, Moses’ wife, after he had sent her home, along with her two sons. The name of the one was Gershom (for he said, “I have been a sojourner[a] in a foreign land”), and the name of the other, Eliezer[b] (for he said, “The God of my father was my help, and delivered me from the sword of Pharaoh”). Jethro, Moses’ father-in-law, came with his sons and his wife to Moses in the wilderness where he was encamped at the mountain of God. 

And when he sent word to Moses, “I,[c] your father-in-law Jethro, am coming to you with your wife and her two sons with her,” Moses went out to meet his father-in-law and bowed down and kissed him. And they asked each other of their welfare and went into the tent. Then Moses told his father-in-law all that the Lord had done to Pharaoh and to the Egyptians for Israel’s sake, all the hardship that had come upon them in the way, and how the Lord had delivered them. And Jethro rejoiced for all the good that the Lord had done to Israel, in that he had delivered them out of the hand of the Egyptians.

10 Jethro said, “Blessed be the Lord, who has delivered you out of the hand of the Egyptians and out of the hand of Pharaoh and has delivered the people from under the hand of the Egyptians. 11 Now I know that the Lord is greater than all gods, because in this affair they dealt arrogantly with the people.”[d] 12 And Jethro, Moses’ father-in-law, brought a burnt offering and sacrifices to God; and Aaron came with all the elders of Israel to eat bread with Moses’ father-in-law before God.

13 The next day Moses sat to judge the people, and the people stood around Moses from morning till evening. 14 When Moses’ father-in-law saw all that he was doing for the people, he said, “What is this that you are doing for the people? Why do you sit alone, and all the people stand around you from morning till evening?” 15 And Moses said to his father-in-law, “Because the people come to me to inquire of God; 

16 when they have a dispute, they come to me and I decide between one person and another, and I make them know the statutes of God and his laws.”17 Moses’ father-in-law said to him, “What you are doing is not good.18 You and the people with you will certainly wear yourselves out, for the thing is too heavy for you. You are not able to do it alone. 

19 Now obey my voice; I will give you advice, and God be with you! You shall represent the people before God and bring their cases to God, 20 and you shall warn them about the statutes and the laws, and make them know the way in which they must walk and what they must do. 21 Moreover, look for able men from all the people, men who fear God, who are trustworthy and hate a bribe, and place such men over the people as chiefs of thousands, of hundreds, of fifties, and of tens. 

22 And let them judge the people at all times. Every great matter they shall bring to you, but any small matter they shall decide themselves. So it will be easier for you, and they will bear the burden with you. 23 If you do this, God will direct you, you will be able to endure, and all this people also will go to their place in peace.”

24 So Moses listened to the voice of his father-in-law and did all that he had said. 25 Moses chose able men out of all Israel and made them heads over the people, chiefs of thousands, of hundreds, of fifties, and of tens.26 And they judged the people at all times. Any hard case they brought to Moses, but any small matter they decided themselves. 27 Then Moses let his father-in-law depart, and he went away to his own country.”

What happened to Moses is kind of like having your children say, “Mom”.  You answer and then it turns into fifty more times.  And to be honest, by then you are aggravated, and ready to run away or ring someone’s neck.  It gets played out real fast.  However, like in my relationship, Moses had his rejection issues from birth, and then his life in Egypt that were never resolved.  He got caught in people pleasing/approval addiction.  He could help the people in their neediness, and they could help provide him with the approval that he craved that should have been filled by God.

What happens?  We get tired after a while.  Emotional, physical, spiritual, and psychological exhaustion takes place on both sides.  Codependency sets in, like in me and Moses’ situation.  Bottom Line:  We can’t give people what they need.

 

God is telling us like he told Martha, “Come, sit at my feet.  Rest in me.  Fill your soul with spirit-filled activities.  People are never going to be enough.”  He is a jealous God.  And he is jealous of our people worship.

He keeps telling us: “Come unto me all ye that labor, and I will give you rest.”

 

When we choose people pleasing and perfectionism over God, then we choose to settle for broken pieces of shame, other people’s expectations, rejection, unworthiness, and unacceptance.

  • Solutions

So, how do we start the recovery process from approval addiction?

 

  1. We remind ourselves that our identity is in Christ.
  2. We speak to our soul and tell it, “God loves you!”
  3. Remind ourselves that Jesus was despised and rejected so he can identify with our pain.
  4. Christ is enough, and we are enough in Christ.
  5. Rest in God.
  6. We tell ourselves the follow statement:

“We are all broken, and so when we look to others for approval, we are getting approval from everyone else’s broken lens.”-Katina Horton

Thank you for listening to Healing Our Brokenness: Episode 21: Approval Addiction.  I hope that you have been able to have some takeaways to add to your healing.  God bless!

Hearing God

hearing God, katina horton, valley of grace, hearing God's voice, Elijah, Samuel, poetry, author, podcaster, blog. listen, waiting

Background on Hearing God

This poem is meant to uplift your hearts when you are crying out and hoping to hear from God with a word of assurance. Be blessed!

hearing God, katina horton, valley of grace, hearing God's voice, Elijah, Samuel, poetry, author, podcaster, blog. listen, waiting
Photo by Jonas Mohamadi on Pexels.com

Hearing God

We will hear him.

Just be still.

He will guide us.

Father’s will.

May be big.

May be small.

No mistaking

When he calls.

Holy Spirit

Is our Helper.

Thank you God

For “Intercessor”.

Other Related poetry

Little Whispers: Songs in My Heart

Comfort of Worship

Bible Verses to Meditate On:

“And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD. And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; [but] the LORD [was] not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; [but] the LORD [was] not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; [but] the LORD [was] not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice. And it was [so], when Elijah heard [it], that he wrapped his face in his mantle, and went out, and stood in the entering in of the cave. And, behold, [there came] a voice unto him, and said, What doest thou here, Elijah?” 1 Kings 19:11-13

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding, which must be curbed with bit and bridle, or it will not stay near you. Psalm 32:8-9

Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known. Jeremiah 33:3