The Path to Healing

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Each one of us have a different path to healing. No two paths are alike. However, our commonality lies in the fact that we are all human, we all struggle, and we all have childhood wounds of some sort that need to be worked out in order for us to heal and grow. Healing is a lifelong journey. Just when you think that you have completed this journey, it can be one random thought or song, or one major trauma or death that causes you to revisit certain areas, and then go in at a deeper level. The poem “The Path to Healing” reflects thoughts on my healing journey. God bless!

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Photo by Fernanda Publio

The Path to Healing

Abandoned?

Not by His love.

Wounded by earthly doves.

Journeying through all the pain.

Dancing in sun and rain.

Forgiving for damage unknown.

Believing the good will be owned.

Entangled by triggers unfounded.

Triangled-The Trinity keeps me grounded.

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Episode 52: Living in the Moment

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Episode 52: Living in the Moment
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Living in the Moment Introduction

We all have a never-ending list of things to do. We are so maxed out that we are piling up three and four things at a time, but not fully present to any one thing. How can this change? Take a listen to today’s podcast episode.

living in the moment, emotional health, mental health, overwhelmed, acceptance, expectation, resolution, maturity, realization, katina horton, blogger, lifestyle, podcast, episode 52
Photo by Sarah Pflug

Show Notes

Podcast Outline

  • My Encounter
  • What Jesus Says

Challenge Questions:

What are some of the steps that you can take in order to be more present?

What are some of the patterns of behavior that you have observed that prevents you from living in the moment?

I Can’t Sleep!

sleep deprivation, trauma, PTSD, insomnia, waking up, living with and healing from trauma, brokenness, emotional health, mental health, psychology, katina horton, blogger, lifestyle

Sleep is one of those things that we can’t live without. At one time or another, we’ve all had problems sleeping. But what happens when lack of sleep starts to get the best of you? Read the poem below to find out.

I Can’t Sleep

I can’t sleep! I can’t sleep!

Do I pray or do I weep?

sleep deprivation, trauma, PTSD, insomnia, waking up, living with and healing from trauma, brokenness, emotional health, mental health, psychology, katina horton, blogger, lifestyle
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Let the music play in your head.

Rest in Jesus while in your bed.

This lack of sleep, all part of trauma.

Give him your fears and all your drama.

I can’t sleep! I can’t sleep!

“I know my child.

My grace runs deep.”

The Sleep Aspect: Living With and Healing From Trauma

sleep deprivation, trauma, PTSD, insomnia, waking up, living with and healing from trauma, brokenness, emotional health, mental health, psychology, katina horton, blogger, lifestyle

Introduction to The Sleep Aspect

We all love a good night’s sleep. When I picture falling asleep, I think about having just the right amount of flat sheets, a soft comforter, a few pillows surrounding me, just the right temperature in the house, and having sweet dreams. Just thinking about this scene would make all of us stop and long for sleep.

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Sleep can be one of the sweetest things in the world, and then on the other side of that coin, it can be that of agony for a person living with PTSD/trauma on a daily basis. There is also no rhyme or reason as to when sleep deprivation will occur.

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Photo by Matthew Henry

Breakdown of My Sleep Aspect of Trauma

Five years ago, unbeknownst to me, I entered an extremely toxic work environment. At the time, I had already been dealing with sleep issues as a side effect of the trauma of my divorce, as well as the events immediately preceding and following the divorce. I would describe the events as a crazy Lifetime movie. Unfortunately, this movie was my life. Although I was already having problems staying and falling asleep, nothing could compare to the level of sleep problems that occurred as a by-product of working at this company for nine months.

People living with PTSD/trauma often face two issues when it comes to sleep: falling asleep and staying asleep. I had and have both. During the time that I worked at this company, I would try to fall asleep around 10 pm. From 10:00 pm to 3:00 a.m, I would fall asleep for a few minutes, wake up with my teeth and whole body tense and clenched tight, and the cycle would start all over again.

Breakdown Part Two

I am going to keep it real here. The first couple of times that this happens, you find yourself trying to stay positive and you start telling yourself not to overly think about. “Don’t be concerned about the time.” However, when you have done this 5 or more times within five hours, and realize that you have only had a total of maybe one hour of sleep, and you have to get up pretty soon for work, the positivity can wear off real fast. I had to wake up at 6:00 a.m. to get ready for work, which if we all do the math, we know that this isn’t enough time for restful adequate sleep.

The toxic job, along with this vicious cycle of sleep caused major life-threatening thyroid problems, along with an overactive adrenal gland.

God granted me grace by allowing me to be let go from this toxic environment. It gave me time to heal and try to breathe again.

Sleep Aspect: What’s Going On Now

I still have issues with my sleep patterns due to trauma. They are not as frequent as they were, but they are still a problem. Last week took me clearly by surprise.

I had been suffering with sinus and allergy issues since August, and last week these issues came to a head. And guess what came with it? Sleep deprivation from trauma. I had two nights with four nights of sleep.

Then, I had one night with five nights of sleep. Just as I thought I was turning the corner, the following night was an all-nighter with only one hour of sleep at best. I nodded off for ten minutes at a time, woke up, and then stayed up for hours, with my body attempting sleep several more times.

I have to get up at 4:00 for work, and so, when this time came, and I was still awake, I reluctantly resigned to calling in and staying home. What I had to do was to give myself grace and compassion. I had to tell myself that I needed a time-out to rest, get in as many liquids as I could to help my sinus issues, and just relax. Finally, I fell asleep at 5:00 a.m. and slept until close to nine.

I would have liked to sleep until one o’clock. However, that didn’t happen. What did happen is that I literally laid down for part of the day, and sat up part of the day and allowed myself to rest physically, emotionally, and spiritually in Jesus. Sometimes we just have to admit that we are having a bad day, week, month, year, and simply REST!!!

Sleep Aspect Conclusion

Sleep deprivation from trauma is real. I won’t downplay it. However, God is also real, and he can meet us right where we are. When we have these hiccups in our schedule, the devil wants to make us think we are right back where we are. WE ARE NOT!!

Unfortunately sleep issues are a part of living with and healing from trauma on a daily basis, but it doesn’t define us. God does! And guess what? When I couldn’t sleep during the night, I had praise music playing in my head as if I had turned on a radio. Even though my feelings were telling me different, God was telling me that he was with me.

God bless and have a wonderful rest of your week!!!

What are some of the things that you do to help yourself when you are dealing with the sleep aspect of trauma?

Barbecue Vegetarian Meatballs

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Background on Vegetarian Meatballs

As our kids are in the process of becoming young adults, it gets more and more challenging to carve out connection time. They have their lives. You have yours. And to top it off, if both of you are working, then you are presented with even more of a challenge.

About a week and a half ago, my son was home to visit. We were both working and extremely busy. However, we were able to carve out some connection time together a little bit before he left, and we decided to explore listening to French music, catch up on each other’s lives, and make vegetarian meatballs.

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Photo by Katina Horton

I hope that you enjoy them as much as we did.

Here’s the recipe:

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Photo by Katina Horton

Ingredients

  • 1 pack of Lightlife Smart Ground Mexican crumble (little bit of a spicy kick to it) per bowl
  • 4 teaspoons of chili powder, garlic powder, parsley, cumin, curry, onion powder, and garlic powder per bowl
  • 1 pack of shredded cheese
  • bread crumbs
  • 1/3 cup of oatmeal
  • 2 tablespoons of flaxseed meal
  • 4 eggs (2 per bowl)
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Photo by Katina Horton

Directions

  • Place one pack of vegan meat in two medium sized bowls.
  • Add 2 eggs, 2 tablespoons of flaxseed meal, oatmeal, seasonings, and desired cheese amount per bowl.
  • Mix the ingredients in each bowl.
  • Grab two cookie sheets and line with parchment paper.
  • Use one cookie sheet per bowl.
  • Use a cookie scoop the size of your choice to scoop the meatball mixture, carefully leveling off and pressing the scoop against the side of the bowl to solidify the mixture.
  • Place the cookie scoop as close to the parchment paper as possible and then release the ball onto the sheet to reduce crumbling.
  • Heat on 325 degrees for about 25 minutes and drizzle with barbecue sauce when done.
  • Enjoy!

What are some of the things that you like to do for fun with your young adult children?

Pasta with Black Lentils

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Background on Pasta with Black Lentils

Over the weekend, I attended a women’s conference at my church. It was a Holy Spirit-filled good time. Because of having a busy weekend, I decided that I wouldn’t cook on Saturday evening. I ordered two build-your-own pizzas, watched movies with my mom, and took it easy.

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Photo by Katina Horton

On Monday night, I decided to cook dinner for the week. I loved the end result. The dish has a little bit of a spicy kick to it. It is just enough for you to enjoy the dish, and at the same time not be overwhelmed.

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Photo by Katina Horton

I pray that you are having a blessed week so far, and preparing to embrace the weekend that is upon us.

Here is the recipe for Pasta with Black Lentils:

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Photo by Katina Horton

Ingredients:

  • 1 box of fettuccine
  • 1/2 cup of quinoa
  • 1/3 cup of oil
  • 1 can of fire roasted diced tomatoes
  • 1 zucchini
  • 1/2 pound of black lentils
  • 4 tablespoons of onion powder, garlic powder, chili powder, parsley, cumin, and curry

Directions:

Boil a pot of water, placing some oil in the water to avoid sticky pasta.

Boil the black lentils for about 30 minutes.

Place the pasta and quinoa into the boiling water.

Cut up the zucchini, and then saute the zucchini and tomatoes together.

Add the seasonings to the vegetables.

Dump the vegetables into the pot of pasta and quinoa.

Enjoy!

God bless,

Katina

Episode 49: The Anchor

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Episode 49: The Anchor
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Podcast Show Notes

The Anchor Podcast Outline:

  • Storms and Disappointment
  • When Discouragement Sets In
  • My November Accident
  • My Recent Accident
  • Shifting Our Focus
the anchor, disappointment, discouragement, hope, depression, car accident, resolution, thriving, living, trouble, storms, reality, challenges, car accidents, katina horton, valley of grace, podcaster, lifestyle, podcaster lifestyle ,blogger, writer, podcasting,
Photo by Alexandra Lee

Reflection Questions

What does the word anchor mean to you?

Have you ever had to use an anchor, and if so, for what purpose?

What is the first thing that you do when a storm enters your life?

What emotions do you feel when disappointment sets in?

Have you ever wrestled with the reality of things not happening at the best time?

What resolution can you make when the storms of life seem overwhelming and never-ending?

How can shifting your focus to the anchor change everything?

He Speaks

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This poem was written as a reflection of some of the different ways in which God speaks to us. We like to put God in a box. We often forget that God has an infinite way of relating to us, and allowing us to hear his voice. When Elijah was in the process of running away from Jezebel, God revealed Himself to him. Elijah had put God in the box of coming to him in a “great and mighty way”. Instead, he whispered to him in the still, small voice. God knows what we need, and when we need it. He is a God who meets us right where we’re at.

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Picture by Sarah Pflug

He Speaks

He Speaks! He Speaks!

But where will it be?

In a message, in a song, or the birds in a tree?

Will it be in the coolness of the wind blowing at night?

Will it be in the calmness of the crickets singing in flight?

Will it be in the morning when the rabbits talk to squirrels?

Or the munks tunneling through grass, and the robins dancing a twirl?

Will it be in the waves that are splashing at the beach?

Or the smiles of the saints as they’re waving “Hi” to me?

Will it be in the sun that is setting in the sky?

Or the swans overhead that are reaching by and by?

When he speaks, will I hear him, same voice as before?

Or will it be with great trumpet?

All of that, and Even more!

God bless,

Katina

Episode 45: Be Still: The Healing Aspect of Living with Trauma

emotional health, mental health, stillness, calmness, serenity,psychology, physical health, Peace, flowers, PTSD, trauma, healing, brokenness, emotional overload, body-mind connection, katina horton, podcaster, podcasting, lifestyle, author, writer, dissociation

Episode 45: Be Still: The Healing Aspect of Living with Trauma
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Be Still Podcast Outline

  • Definition of Still
  • Definition of Know
  • Dissection of Psalm 46: 10
  • What Happens With the Combo of Trauma and Constant Busyness
emotional health, mental health, stillness, calmness, serenity,psychology, physical health, Peace, flowers, PTSD, trauma, healing, brokenness, emotional overload, body-mind connection, katina horton, podcaster, podcasting, lifestyle, author, writer, dissociation
Photo by Fabio Manuel Neto da luz

Podcast Transcript:

Good afternoon! Welcome to Healing Our Brokenness, episode 45, Entitled, “Be Still:” The Healing Aspect of Living with Trauma on a Daily Basis”

What does it mean to be still?

Being still means without movement, without speech, calm, peaceful, serene.

I like to think of stillness as the act of eliminating busyness and distractions.

In Psalm 46: 10, God tells us, “Be still and know that I am God.”

To know means to be aware of through information and observation.  For us to know something or someone, we must spend time with that person or learning about that topic. If we want to know God, we must quiet our spirits, stop the striving, distractions, busyness, and do what is required to be in a relationship with him. If we want to heal from trauma, we also need a stillness to exist.

This stillness required from healing that helps us to know about our mind and body connection, can only happen when we purposefully have 2 things: time and space.

When we are busy every minute of the day, we don’t have time to know our bodies. Our bodies reveal the secrets behind our emotions.  Just recently, and recently being about 3 months ago, I started working a full-time job. After a month, I realized that I needed to tweak my schedule for the weekend.  I had to block out 3 hours on my weekend mornings in order to make sure that I could continue having my time of stillness. Without stillness, it is hard to gain clarity.

Before working full time, I had more time and space for this stillness to occur. Now, since my schedule has changed, i must be more intentional about giving myself margin.

Right before starting work with this job, I had a traumatic event to occur. Along with learning new things at work, and relearning how to drive after 30 years, I was exhibiting “ADHD-like” trauma symptoms, and having a hard time focusing.  I knew that it was only a matter of time till the emotional effects of this event would come out. My system had to be relaxed enough with stillness, and time and space to go through the steps of processing everything that had gone down.

The first symptom that was exhibited was that of nausea. I knew immediately that this was grief. And how was I able to tell that? Four years ago, when I was living at my previous residence , I became very nauseated one evening after eating.  It was the worst case ever.  I thought that I was coming down with the flu or some type of virus. It was also during this time that I had not begun to process any of the traumatic events that had occurred in the previous 3 years.  My system was on emotional and mental overload.

All of a sudden, before I knew it, I ended up regurgitating 3 to 4 times. In between each time, I felt like I needed to cry very deeply. This is how I was able to make the connection that nausea for me equals the need for grief to be released from my body.  At the time, my son asked me about the contents of what I ate that could have made me so sick. I told him that I realized that it had nothing to do with the food that I ate.

When I told my therapist about what happened, she said, “Yes, this was definitely physiological.”  

Another symptom that occurred recently is where my lips started to become numb.  I knew immediately that this represented anger that I needed to work through.  Once again, if I did not have the time within the last few years to process some of the trauma, I would not have had a clue of what was going on.  I probably would have gotten myself all worked up and anxious, perpetuating the problem.

I was then able to go to God and ask him, “What is this anger about? Is it just this traumatic event, or something else along with it?”. Having my time of stillness, and space for reflection allowed me to get to the root of the problem so that I could start healing from, it.   That anger had been coming out sideways for about 2 1/2 weeks.

Music is one of my main go-to’s for enabling me to process trauma , and so when I added more of this into my time and space, I gained even more wisdom and discernment , along with being able to release the grief from my system through crying heavily.

Changes are good.  However, changes are only fully embraced once the old has been grieved. All of the “would haves”, “should haves”, and “not any more’s”. If you are having problems healing from trauma, ask yourself if you are allowing yourself the time and space of sitting in God’s stillness.  The pain, loneliness, and loss have to be grieved. I don’t want to mislead you. There will be pain in this process. There’s no way to go around it. And I promise you, if there was, everyone would be signing up for it. There is God’s grace, mercy, and presence there.  And it is very much needed. It is also in this stillness that our mind, body, soul, and spirit will begin to reveal the answers to our questions. It will help us to lead the way and or continue our journey to a life of thriving.

First, try starting off with one hour of lying down without any distractions and see if you can notice the difference of what this new stillness brings. Initially, it will feel very uncomfortable because you will want to quickly fill up your time with busyness. However, this quiet time will begin to declutter your mind and allow you to get to the root of your issues, along with the help a therapist.

I hope that “Episode 45: ‘Be Still: The Healing Aspect Of Living With Trauma’” has been beneficial to you in some way. If Healing Our Brokenness is making a difference in your life, please leave a review, tag a friend, and give a shout out on social media. God bless! Have a wonderful week!

Episode 44: Remembering the Sabbath

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Episode 44: Remembering the Sabbath
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Remembering the Sabbath Podcast Outline

  • Meaning of Sabbath
  • My Childhood Sabbath
  • Why Did God Create the Sabbath
  • Podcast Transcript:
emotional health, mental health, physical health, slavery, blogging, church, lifestyle, Egypt, Pharaoh, Moses, Egyptians, episode 44, traditions, Passover
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Welcome to Healing Our Brokenness Episode 44: Remembering the Sabbath.

What does the word Sabbath mean?

Sabbath means to rest or to cease.  Sunday, the Sabbath, was my favorite day of the week as a child.  It still is.  It was a time when I knew that I had that “rest easy” deep down in my soul kind of feeling.  Sundays could be enjoyed to the fullest because Saturday was used as a preparation day to deal with meals, clothes, hair, cleaning, and laundry.  On Sundays, we went to church for a good portion of the day, and if there were no other programs going on at church, we bought a soul food meal from the church, along with pop and pound cake and headed home.  Other times, we stopped at the grocery store’s deli department to pick up Kaiser rolls, crab meat or tuna, and muffins.  The rest of the day was filled with reading, listening to music, and enjoying family time. 

Why did God create the Sabbath?  God created the Sabbath for our benefit.  God didn’t need to rest, but he rested on the Sabbath as an example to us, to remember to take time out to worship and rest in Him on this holy day:  “Then God blessed the seventh day and sanctified it, because in it He rested from all His work which God had created and made.” (Genesis 2:3, NASB)

Another reason why God created the Sabbath is to make sure that we don’t go back into a slavery mentality:   “Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and that the Lord your God brought you out of there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm. Therefore the Lord your God has commanded you to observe the Sabbath day.” (Deuteronomy 5: 15, NIV)  When you are slaves, there are no breaks.  You’re constantly on the move.  You wear yourselves out to the point of exhaustion.  Sabbath puts a boundary around this mentality.  Observing Sabbath demonstrates to God that we know he is more than capable of giving us the strength and endurance that we need to get things done during the remaining six days.  It forces us to meditate on the fact that God’s gift of freedom given to us via the cross is enough.

Dear God,

Thank you for the Sabbath.  Thank you for the realization that we don’t have to work ourselves to the point of exhaustion in order to keep up.  We praise you for your promises, and the freedom that only you can give.

In your name we pray,

Amen 

Thank you for listening to Healing Our Brokenness Episode 44: Remembering the Sabbath. Have a blessed week!